My friend returns from Africa and is feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo a barrage of tests. My friend wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings. “This is your doctor. We’ve had the results back from your tests and we’ve found you have an extremely nasty virus, which is extremely contagious!”
“Oh my gosh,” cries my friend, “What are you going to do, doctor?”
“Well we’re going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread.”
“Will that cure me?” asks my friend.
The doctor replies, “Well no, but it’s the only food we can get under the door.”
To My Dear Wife,
You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you with your 54 years can no longer supply. I am very happy with you and value you as a good wife. Therefore after reading this fax, I hope you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Ritz Hotel. Please don’t be perturbed. I shall be back home before midnight.
Your Loving Husband
When the man came home, he found the following letter on the dining room table:
My Dear Husband,
I received your fax, and thank you for your honesty. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. At the same time, I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, my tennis coach, who like your secretary is also 18 years old. As a successful businessman and with your excellent knowledge of Math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although there is one small difference: 18 goes into 54 more often than 54 goes into 18.
Therefore I will not be back before lunchtime tomorrow.
Your Loving Wife
A young bride tells her friend, “Paul keeps telling everyone he’s going to marry the most beautiful girl in the world.”
“ What a shame! And after all the time you’ve been engaged!”