14 April 2024 – Amusements

I came, I saw. I forgot what I was doing.

I retraced my steps and got distracted on my way back.

I have no idea what’s going on and now I have to pee.

My wife informed me she had my funeral all planned out. She has picked out a deep mahogany casket. She will have me buried in a black suit with light blue shirt and my power red tie. A red scarf folded neatly into the breast pocket. I will have flowers in all the colors surrounding the casket. All my favorite songs will be sung by the church choir.

She asked me if I had planned her funeral.

I told her I was going to cremate her and toss her ashes into the warm Caribbean waters from the back of a singles cruise.

I think we’ve had this before but it will remind my brothers and sisters of the story our father used to tell about trying to place an advertisement in the Arcadia Tribune when he wanted to sell the donkey we had acquired. (Why did we acquire a donkey?)

A Preacher wanted to raise money for his church and, being told there were fortunes in Race horses, he decided to purchase one and enter it in the races.

However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so steep he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races, and to his surprise the donkey came in third.

The next day the racing sheets carried the headlines, “Preacher’s Ass shows”

The Preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the races again and this time he won! The papers said, “Preacher’s Ass out in Front” The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Preacher not to enter the donkey in another race.

The newspaper printed this headline, “Bishop Scratches Preacher’s Ass”. This was just too much for the Bishop and he ordered the Preacher to get rid of the animal.

The Preacher decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent. The headlines the next day read, “Nun has the Best Ass in Town”

The Bishop fainted.

He informed the Nun that she would have to dispose of the donkey and she finally found a farmer who was willing to buy it for $10.00.

The paper states, “Nun Peddles Ass for Ten Bucks”

They buried the Bishop the next day.

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