26 May 2024 – Amusements

A ten-year-old girl asked and received help from a librarian on how to use the card catalogue. In a little while, the girl approached the librarian again, wanting to know how to spell “tequila.”

“T-e-q-u-i-l-a,” spelled the librarian, as the girl thanked her and went back to her search. A short time later she came to the desk, looking quite distraught.

“I just can’t find it,” she said.

“What book are you looking for, honey?” the librarian asked.

Replied the little girl, “Tequila Mockingbird.”


Kara announced to her family, “Tomorrow morning I’m going to make an old-fashioned breakfast with eggs, ham, biscuits and grits.”

Five-year-old Jessica groaned, “But, Mommy, you know I don’t like eggs.” Kara then reminded Jessica of all the food the little girl liked that contained eggs.

The next morning, when Jessica walked into the kitchen, Kara said, “Since you are here first, you can decide for the family. How do you want me to cook the eggs?”

Jessica answered, “In chocolate cake, please.”


Marriage Definitions

BACHELOR: A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of her alimony.

BRIDE: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

COMPROMISE: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.

DIPLOMAT: A man who can convince his wife she would look fat in a fur coat.

GENTLEMAN: A husband who steadies the stepladder so that his wife will not fall while she paints the ceiling.

HOUSEWORK: What the wife does that nobody notices until she doesn’t do it.

HUSBAND: A man who gives up privileges he never realized he had.

JOINT CHECKING ACCOUNT: A handy little device which permits the wife to beat the husband to the draw.

LOVE: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.

MOTHER-IN-LAW: A woman who destroys her son-in-law’s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

MRS.: A job title involving heavy duties, light earnings, and no recognition.

SPOUSE: Someone who will stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn’t have had if you’d stayed single in the first place.

WIFE: A mate who is forever complaining about not having anything to wear at the very same time that she complains about not having enough room in the closet.


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