A young man was visiting his brother and sister-in-law for Christmas dinner. As he arrived at their house he found his young nephew, Mikey, helping them bake some cupcakes. After they were done, his sister-in-law allowed Mikey to put the icing on. When the boy had finished, he brought them to the table.
“The cupcakes look delicious, Mike.” his uncle said. He took a bite and said, “Mikey these are so good.” As he finished the cupcake and took another, he again complimented his little nephew. “The cupcakes look beautiful, Mikey,” his uncle said. “How did you get the icing so neat?”
His nephew replied, “It was easy. I just licked them.”
The uncle turned pale. He pointed to the plate of cupcakes. “You licked all of these?”
Mikey replied, “Well no. After a while my tongue got tired, so I got the dog to help.”
A woman is walking on the road and a voice shouts out, “Don’t take a step further.” She obeys and suddenly a ton of bricks fall on the place where she would have otherwise been.
She thinks she imagined it and keeps walking until suddenly the voice calls out again. “Don’t take a step further.” She stops and a car skids past.
Then suddenly she hears the voice saying “I am your guardian angel, and I will warn you before something bad happens to you. Now do you have any questions to ask me?”
“Yes!” shouts the woman, “just where were you on my wedding day!”
The Governor made room on his busy calendar to hear the plea of one Mrs Jones that her husband be released from the state penitentiary. “What was he sentenced for?” asked the Governor gently.
“For stealing a bread truck,” replied the offender’s wife.
“Is he a good husband?”
“No,” she replied frankly, blushing a bit. “He beats me when he gets drunk, he bullies our children, he’s unfaithful, and really not much good at all.”
“It sounds to me as though you’re better off without him,” said the Governor. “Why on earth do you want him out of jail?”
“Well,” she explained, “we’re out of bread again.”