A Texas farmer went on vacation to Australia. He met up with an Australian farmer who prouldly showed off his wheat field.
“That’s nothing” said the Texan. “Back home, we have wheat fields that are twice as large as this.”
Next the Australian pointed out his cattle.
“They’re nothing,” said the Texan. “Back home, we have longhorns that are twice as big as your cows.”
Just then, half a dozen kangaroos bounded across the road.
“What are those?” asked the Texan.
The Australian replied, “Don’t you have grasshoppers in Texas?”
An allegedly genuine hotel brouchure helpfully translated from Mandarin to English. I have my doubts.
Getting There:
Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.
The Hotel:
This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with themself.
The Restaurant:
Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.
Your Room:
Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! .. You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.
Bed:
Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.
Above All:
When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it.
We’ve had this before . . .
A duck went into a grocery store and said, “Have you got any grapes?”
The grocer answered, “No, sorry,” and the duck went away.
A little while later the duck came back and said, “Have you got any grapes?”
The grocer, once again, said, “No, sorry, we still don’t have any grapes.” So the duck went away.
After a while the duck came into the store again and said, “Have you got any grapes?”
The grocer, getting a bit annoyed now, said, “Look, I told you before, we don’t have any grapes!”
The duck went away.
The duck came back yet again: “Have you got any grapes?”
Really angry now the grocer replied, “Look if you come back in here again asking for grapes I’m going to nail your feet to the floor!”
The duck went away.
You guessed it, back came the duck. This time he said, “Have you got any nails?”
The grocer answered, “No, sorry.”
And the duck said, “Have you got any grapes?”