We’ve had this before in a slightly different context:
An old drunk guy walks up to the bar, slaps a $50 down and tells the bartender, “‘Il I bet you 50 bucks that I can bite my eye!”
The bartender is intrigued and takes the bet. The guy pulls out his false eye, bites it, and sticks it back in the socket.
The bartender is annoyed but pays up and figures the $50 was worth the show.
A few minutes later the drunk walks up to the bar slaps 100 bucks down and says, “Double or nothing. I’ll bet a hundred bucks I can bite my other eye.” The bartender figures the dude is drunk and takes the bet.
The guy removes his false teeth, bites the other eye and sticks the teeth back in.
Now the bartender is really angry but pays up. The old drunk looks the bartender in the eye and bets him 200 bucks that the bartender can slide a pint glass down the bar and he could run beside it and piss in the glass and not get a drop on the bar.
The bartender figures what the hell and takes the bet. He slides the glass down the counter but the drunk gets hardly any of his pee in the glass, most of it ends up on the bar.
The bartender is super pumped to get his money back and snatches up the $200 with a smile.
He then hears another guy at a table cursing up a storm. The drunk walks up to the bartender and explains, “I bet him $500 that I could piss all over the counter and you’d be happy about it!!”
First-year students at the Purdue Veterinary School were attending their first anatomy class with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
The professor started the class by telling them, “In Veterinary medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal’s body.” For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the rear of the cow, withdrew it, and stuck his finger in his mouth.
“Go ahead and do the same thing,” he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the rear of the dead cow and sucking on it.
When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, “The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention. Life’s tough but it’s even tougher if you’re stupid.”
Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied the floating survivors of a sunken ship.
“Follow me, son,” the Dad shark said to the Son shark. They swam to the mass of people.
“First,” the Dad shark instructs, “we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our dorsal fin showing.”
“Like this, Dad?” the younger shark asks.
“Well done, Son! Next we swim around them a few more times with all of our dorsal fin showing.”
“OK,” the boy says, really getting into it.
“And only now do we eat everybody.”
And they did, eating all the terrified humans.
When they were both fully sated and gorged, the Son shark asked Dad shark, “Gee, Dad, why didn’t we just eat them all right away? Why did we have to swim around and around them in circles first?”
Well, Son,” the wise Dad shark replied, “because they taste a whole lot better without all that crap inside!”