Greg's Occasional News & Views

Greg

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1 December 2019

What a miserable, miserable week. Depressingly dismal, dreary and drizzly. And miserable. It’s been cloudy and wet all week and then on Friday, when the sun does put in an appearance and the skies turn bright and blue, the temperature plummets through the floor. Oh my goodness, only four or five more months of this! Continue reading

1 December 2019 – Amusements

I tried to explain to a client why I couldn’t help him with a project that was written in a program code that I didn’t know.

“Let’s say you’re asking me to write something in a specific language. Now, I’m fluent in English and Spanish, but your project is in Chinese. Since I don’t understand Chinese, I’m not your best option. You need someone who is fluent in this specific language. See?”

He said he did and thanked me.

The next morning, I got a call from another developer asking, “Why is So-and-So asking us if we’re fluent in Chinese?” Continue reading

24 November 2019 – Amusements

A man walks into a bar and orders three beers.

The bartender brings him the three beers, and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third, until they’re gone.

He then orders three more and the bartender says, “Sir, don’t you like your beer cold? Why don’t you start with one, and I’ll bring you a fresh one as soon as you’re low.”

The man says, “You don’t understand. I have two brothers, one in Austria and one in Ireland. We made a vow to each other when they moved away that every Saturday night, we’d still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three beers too, and we’re drinking together.”

The bartender thinks it’s a wonderful tradition, and every week he sets up the guy’s three beers. Then one week, the man comes in and orders only two. He drinks them and then orders two more. The bartender says sadly, “Knowing your tradition, I’d just like to just say that I hope nothing has happened to one of your brothers.”

The man replies, “Oh, my brothers are fine — I just quit drinking.” Continue reading

17 November 2019

Boy is it quiet around here! After a year, four months and four days (but who’s counting?) Adam, Ava and Jessie were finally able to move into their new home last Sunday. The silence in the mornings can be somewhat disconcerting until one remembers that the dynamo that is Jessie is no longer in residence. Continue reading

17 November 2019 – Amusements

A Sunday School teacher wanted to use squirrels as an example of a diligent work ethic and being prepared. She started the lesson by saying, “I’m going to describe something, and I want you to raise your hand when you know what it is.” The children were excited to show her what they knew and leaned forward eagerly.

“I’m thinking of something that lives in trees and eats nuts.” No hands went up. “It can be gray or brown and it has a long bushy tail.” The children looked around the room at each other, but still no one raised a hand.

“It chatters and sometimes it flips its tail when it’s excited?”

Finally one little boy shyly raised his hand. The teacher breathed a sigh of relief and said, “Okay, Michael. What do you think it is?”

“Well,” said the boy, “I know the answer’s supposed to be Jesus, but it sure sounds like a squirrel to me.” Continue reading

10 November 2019

Another fine week made finer, I guess, by our jet-lag gradually disappearing in the rear-view mirror. Having said that, the weather has not been great – a months’ worth of rain in 24 hours up north, with associated flooding. We’ve not had any flooding in our area but it has been getting increasingly colder and the trees and hedges are rapidly throwing their leaves to the ground. Continue reading

10 November 2019 – Amusements

The boss joined a group of his workers in the company break room and told a joke he’d heard recently. Everybody laughed loudly. Everybody, that is, except Dewey.

When he noticed that he was getting no reaction from Dewey, the boss said, “What’s the matter, Dewey? No sense of humour?”

“My sense of humour is fine,” he said. “But I don’t have to laugh. I’m quitting tomorrow.” Continue reading

3 November 2019

So, we’re back after what seemed like a long adventure which involved two visits to the great northeast, a week in sunny Southern California playing with our grandson, a reunion with a bunch of tired old men as well as, sadly, the loss of someone who was near and dear to all of us. Continue reading

3 November 2019 – Amusements

The Ten Commandments display was recently removed from the Alabama Supreme Court building. There was a good reason for the move. You can’t post

Thou Shalt Not Steal,

Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery,

and Thou Shall Not Lie

in a building full of lawyers and politicians without creating a hostile work environment. Continue reading

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Last updated: 09/30/2019

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