9 August 2020 – Amusements

A professor stood before his class of twenty senior organic biology students, about to hand out the final exam.

“I want to say that it’s been a pleasure teaching you this semester. I know you’ve all worked extremely hard and many of you are off to medical school after summer. So that no one gets their GPA messed up because they might have been celebrating a bit too much this week, anyone who would like to opt out of the final exam today will receive a ‘B’ for the test.”

There was much rejoicing in the class as students got up, walked to the front of the class, and took the professor up on his offer. As the last taker left the room, the professor looked out over the handful of remaining students and asked, “Anyone else? This is your last chance.”

One final student rose up and opted out of the final.

The professor closed the door and took attendance of those students remaining. “I’m glad to see you believe in yourselves,” he said. “You all get ‘A’s.” Continue reading “9 August 2020 – Amusements”

2 August 2020

Phew – Scorcio! After a perfectly reasonable start to the week, Thursday and Friday were blazing hot – glorious from my perspective but too hot for a lot of the villagers who were on the verge of melting on Friday afternoon (33o Celsius, 91o in old money). Not to worry though – on Saturday things returned to “normal” – only 22o, a lovely 70o Fahrenheit. Continue reading “2 August 2020”

26 July 2020 – Amusements

A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He Got into the taxi, and said, “Perfect timing. You’re just Like Andy.”

Cabbie: “Who?”

Passenger: “Andy Sullivan. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like your coming along when I needed a cab, things happen like that to Andy Sullivan, every single time.”

Cabbie: “There are always a few clouds over everybody.”

Passenger: “Not Andy Sullivan. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.”

Cabbie: “Sounds like he was something really special.”

Passenger: “There’s more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Andy Sullivan, he could do everything right.”

Cabbie: “Wow. Some guy then.”

Passenger: “Yep, and he really knew how to treat a woman. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Andy Sullivan.”

Cabbie: “An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?”

Passenger: “Well, I never actually met Andy. He died. I’m married to his damned widow.” Continue reading “26 July 2020 – Amusements”

12 July 2020

It’s Week 18 of our own, self-imposed lockdown and, to be fair, we’re not really completely locked down any more. In any event, the government tells us that it’s all over and we should go out, shop lots and eat and drink our way to prosperity. They’re even going to give us a £10 discount if we go out for dinner at participating restaurants on Monday to Wednesday (Terms and Conditions apply). Somehow, I think my health and safety is worth somewhat more than £10. Continue reading “12 July 2020”

5 July 2020

Lockdown week 17.

But, of course, we are no longer in lockdown. Hurray! We’re now to be encouraged to go out, drink lots at the pub, eat lots at the restaurants, and spend, spend, spend! Drink and Eat for Britain – now that’s a slogan I could get behind. Shame that they’ve had to reintroduce a lockdown in Leicester as the number of cases has spiked and other cities seem also to be on the brink. This could end up being a relatively short-lived reprieve due to our being led by a relatively short-sighted government. Continue reading “5 July 2020”

5 July 2020 – Amusements

The company my brother worked for had a phone system that rerouted after-hours calls. If any calls came in on a certain line while he was working late, Dave knew it would be a wrong number. It got to the point where as soon as the phone rang, Dave would pick up and say, “Psychic Hotline. I’m sorry, but you’ve dialled the wrong number.”

The caller would often reply with something like, “But I didn’t even ask to speak to anyone yet. How did you know I dialled the wrong…. Oh!” (Click.) Continue reading “5 July 2020 – Amusements”