Greg's Occasional News & Views

Greg

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21 April 2019

So much to do and so little time! I am afraid this will be short & sweet this week – Ben, Brex-Anna and Max have arrived and we are planning to have too much fun to do anything else! Continue reading

21 April 2019 – Amusements

Two resident doctors were involved in a fight in the hospital. A senior consultant had to pull them apart. “What’s all this about?” asked the consultant angrily.

“It’s the tax auditor in C ward,” said one. “He’s only got 2 days to live.”

“He had to be told.” said the second doctor.

“I know,” said the first, “but I wanted to be the one to tell him!” Continue reading

14 April 2019

So now we know. Or, now we know a bit more than we knew before. But we still don’t know. What we do know is that the EU has given the UK until the end of October to come up with a credible plan to leave which can squeak through Parliament. What we still don’t know is what that credible plan might ultimately look like nor whether we shall be given another opportunity to vote on the plan, once we know what it looks like. An absolute shambles. I have to say, though, the new leaving date is an excellent metaphor – do you think the EU is having a joke? The first date was near enough April Fool’s Day; the new date is Halloween – Trick or Treat? Continue reading

14 April 2019 – Amusements

I’ve often said this about our boys.

At the company water cooler, I bragged about my children’s world travels: one son was teaching in Bolivia, another was working in southern Italy, and my daughter was completing a year-long research project in India.

One co-worker’s quip, however, stopped me short. “What is it about you,” he asked, “that makes your kids want to get so far away from you?” Continue reading

7 April 2019

My goodness what a lousy week. In contrast to last week which was largely dry, sunny and warm, this week it has been wet, dismal and cold. We went from 16 C last week (low 60s F) to 2 C (just above freezing) this week. What’s that all about? Continue reading

7 April 2019 – Amusements

At a workshop on dog temperament, the instructor noted that a test for a canine’s disposition was for an owner to fall down and act hurt. A dog with poor temperament would try to bite the person, whereas a good dog would lick his owner’s face or show concern.

Once, while eating pizza in the living room, I decided to try out this theory on my two dogs. I stood up, clutched my heart, let out a scream and collapsed on the floor.

The dogs looked at me, glanced at each other and raced to the coffee table for my pizza. Continue reading

31 March 2019 – Amusements

Had it before? Almost certainly . . .

During the banquet celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. “Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?” an anonymous voice yelled from the back of the room.

Tom responded, “Well, I’ve learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, self-restraint, meekness, forgiveness — and a great many other qualities you wouldn’t need if you had stayed single.” Continue reading

24 March 2019

Welcome to another wild, weird and wacky week! The Brexit Clusterf**k gets increasingly surreal as we approach the deadline for falling off the cliff – this coming Friday – and we still have no idea what is going to happen. Apart from all that, we had a clear view of the Super Worm Moon on Wednesday, Jessica and I shared poorly eyes and our choice of bricks for the kitchen extension have allegedly been approved. Continue reading

24 March 2019 – Amusements

Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Mary.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

Managing not to yell, Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

In the morning, Flynn woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Mary staring at him from across the room.

She said, “You were drunk again last night weren’t you?”

Flynn said, “Why you say such a mean thing?”

“Well,” Mary said, “it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly…..it’s all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror. Continue reading

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Last updated: 04/21/2019

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