Greg's Occasional News & Views

Greg

13 March 2016

Whew! What a week. We’ve had the full gamut of weather this week from sleeting down rain and sleet to glorious, glorious (and warm) sunshine to impenetrable fog and mist. We’ve also been compelled to provide unrelenting amusement opportunities to a most splendid visitor as well as somehow fitting in all the other events and diversions in our ceaselessly entertaining lives. Continue reading

13 March 2016 – Amusements

Have we had this before?

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favour?”

“Of course. What may I do for you?”

“Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the customs limits and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there anyway you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?”

“I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.”

“With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.”

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare?”

“From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.”

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, “And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?”

“I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.”

Roaring with laughter, the official said, “Go ahead, Father. Next!” Continue reading

6 March 2016

Good morning and welcome to March – surely we can’t have too much more of this cold and very breezy weather to endure, can we? It’s nearly Spring, isn’t it? Please? We’ve had a few good days this week, fresh with bright, bright, bright blue skies as well as some fairly miserable days with cold, freezing Arctic winds and lashings of rain. I guess it’s true – variety being the spice of life, I mean. Continue reading

6 March 2016 – Amusements

Have we had this before?

On the morning of her birthday, a woman told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond necklace. What do you think it means?”

“Maybe you’ll find out tonight,” he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. She ripped off the wrapping paper and found a book titled “The Meaning of Dreams.” Continue reading

28 February 2016

What a great week! Tolerably decent weather, an enjoyable outing to the old people’s matinee at the cinema and a horde of workmen descending on Framington House to move a couple of Penelope’s Projects along a bit.

The weather has turned cold but, in compensation, the skies for much of the week have been clear and bright and blue. The weather front dividing the country into two last weekend slowly slid southward during the week so that we too got to enjoy the Arctic blasts – Thursday morning even brought a little dusting of snow as if someone had sprinkled a bit of powdered sugar over the Green. And, because the sun was bright it even gave the appearance of being warm (which it wasn’t but you know how easily fooled some people are) – Penelope took the sunshine as an excuse to continue hacking and chopping the overgrowth outside. Continue reading

28 February 2016 – Amusements

This poor man is facing surgery on both his feet because of severe wounds. The doctor has warned him that he cannot tell how bad the damage is until he gets him in the operating room and he has prepared the man for the worst.

After surgery, the man is slowly waking up and he sees the surgeon approaching his bed. The doc looks at him and says, “I have good news and I have bad news – which would you like first?”

The man nervously responds, “Give me the bad news first.”

The doc says, “I had to take both your feet”

“Oh my, what could possibly be the good news?” says the man.

“The guy in the bed next to you wants to buy your slippers!” Continue reading

21 February 2016

It’s been another good week (mainly). No great adventures or “dates” this week, just ordinary stuff with one or two modest exceptions. The weather has been largely fine – we’ve had some freezing cold days with bright, bright sunshine and deep blue skies interspersed with some less cold days, overcast and dreary. At the moment, the UK is split into two roughly equal parts by a weather front which is sluggishly traversing the country – to the north temperatures are sub-zero and the precipitation is falling as rain, sleet and snow. To the south temperatures are nudging double digits (Celsius) and, while overcast, it is largely dry and approaching Spring-like conditions. Thankfully, we’re in the south. Continue reading

21 February 2016 – Amusements

This past Sunday Mary Ellen and Elisabeth went to the 10:30 AM service and the new pastor was long winded and his sermon was quite long.

After the service was finally over, Mary Ellen said to Elisabeth, “The sermon was beautiful don’t you think?”.

Elisabeth replied “Oh yes it was, but a bit too long. Next week I’m bringing my cushion to sit on, these benches are too hard.”

She continued to say, “You know Mary Ellen at one point during the sermon I thought my butt went to sleep.”

Mary Ellen said, “I know, I heard it snore three times.” Continue reading

14 February 2016

Greetings, once again, from beautiful downtown Moreton Pinkney. It’s been a grand week with tolerably decent weather, especially towards the end of the week. It’s been cold and frosty overnight but sunny and deceptively Spring-like in the afternoons. The weather was so glorious on Thursday afternoon that we took ourselves off for a tromp across the countryside.
Continue reading

14 February 2016 – Amusements

Son: Dad, I want to get married.

Father: First, tell me you’re sorry.

Son: For what?

Father: Say sorry.

Son: But for what? What did I do?

Father: Just say sorry.

Son: But…what have i done wrong?

Father: Say sorry!

Son: WHY?

Father: Say sorry!!

Son: Please, just tell me why?

Father: Say sorry!!!

Son: OK, Dad…I’m sorry!

Father: There! You’re finished training. When you learn to say sorry for no reason at all, then you’re ready to get married!
Continue reading

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