Greg's Occasional News & Views

Greg

18 March 2018

Hopefully, this latest little flurry of snow will be the last of the season – is that too much to ask? We had a couple of positively Spring-like days in the week but the Mini Beast from the East arrived overnight on Friday/Saturday. The temperature plunged and we were dusted with a smattering of snow – those clever folks at the Met Office tell us we’ll get to keep these lovely freezing temperatures until the middle of the week. That’s OK, I guess as long as that really is the end of it. It’s time!

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18 March 2018 – Amusements

A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. “I welcome you into the family!” said the man. “To show you how much we care for you, I am making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operation.”

The son-in-law interrupted. “I hate factories. I can’t stand the noise.”

“I see,” replied the father-in-law. “Well, then you’ll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations.”

“I hate office work,” said the son-in-law. “I can’t stand being stuck behind a desk.”

“Wait a minute,” said the father-in-law. “I just made you half owner of a money-making industry, but you don’t like factories, and won’t work in an office. What am I going to do with you?”

“Easy,” said the son-in-law. “Buy me out.” Continue reading

11 March 2018

Phew! We finally made it out of the village and into town on Sunday following our temporary weather-induced incarceration. Of course, our snow-boundness was nothing compared to the inundation those of you in the great Northeast have recently enjoyed but it was substantial and significant for our neck of the woods. Altogether we probably had only about eight inches of snow, the big problem was the strong, icy-cold easterly winds causing drifting of the snow across the roads. Even on Sunday when we finally ventured out it was still tricky going near the Sulgrave turn (for those of you who know it) with single lane traffic inching its way along the road between great sheaths of snow on either side. Continue reading

11 March 2018 – Amusements

A man was wandering around a fairground and he happened to see a fortune-teller’s tent. Thinking it would be good for a laugh, he went inside and sat down.

“Ah…..” said the woman as she gazed into her crystal ball. “I see you are the father of two children.”

“That’s what you think”, the man laughed. “I’m the father of THREE children.”

The woman grinned and said, “That’s what YOU think!” Continue reading

4 March 2018 – Amusements

In a small business office they have an answering machine that instructs callers to leave their name and address, and to spell any difficult words.

Early one Monday the secretary was reviewing the weekend messages and she heard an enthusiastic young woman recite her name and address and then confidently offer, “My difficult word is reconciliation. R-E-C-O-N-C-I-L-I-A-T-I-O-N.” Continue reading

25 February 2018

The calendar says it’s still February but there are signs of spring everywhere – crocuses and daffodils peeking their heads out to check the weather and new-born lambs gambolling in the fields. Still, the calendar says it’s still February and the bitterly freezing arctic winds and the heavy frosts suggest that winter’s not done yet! Continue reading

25 February 2018 – Amusements

It’s the day before Thanksgiving and the butcher is just locking up when a man pounds on the door. “Please let me in,” says the man, “I forgot to buy a turkey and my wife will kill me if I don’t come home with one.”

“Okay,” says the butcher. “Let me see what’s left.” He goes into the freezer and discovers that there’s only one scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man.

“That one’s too skinny. What else have you got”? says the man. The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes then brings the same turkey back out to the man.

“Oh no,” says the man, “that one doesn’t look any better. You better give me both of them.” Continue reading

18 February 2018

It’s your lucky day – very little news this week!

Date Night this week was a lovely dinner out at the Crown Inn at Weston on Thursday evening. One might imagine that I would take my sweetheart out on Wednesday for Valentine’s Day. Wednesday, however, is one of those days when Penelope runs and jumps about for a couple of hours in the evening. So, Thursday it was. Continue reading

18 February 2018 – Amusements

A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband’s two.

Suspecting the worse, she reaches for an extra pillow and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can, letting her anger and frustration out. Once she’s done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.

He says, “Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?” Continue reading

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