Goodness! Another great week. The weather continues to be sensational, hot and sunny with temperatures into the low 30s (i.e., the mid 80s). We’ve not had any rain for about six weeks so, as you might imagine, the garden is desperate for a drink. Thankfully, no hosepipe ban in our neighbourhood yet but the first of the season has been introduced in Northern Ireland. Since we had such a lousy Spring here with lots of rain and low temperatures, the reservoirs are full, so they say. At the same time, since the privatised water companies are estimated to lose up to 30% of their product through leaking pipes it probably won’t be long. After all, it’s much more important to maintain their shareholder’s dividends than to actually fix the infrastructure. Aren’t privatised monopolies a great idea! Continue reading
Doctor Bloomfield, who was known for extraordinary treatment of arthritis, had a waiting room full of people when a little old lady, almost bent over in half, shuffled in slowly, leaning on her cane.
When her turn came, she went into the doctor’s office and, amazingly, emerged within 5 minutes walking completely erect with her head held high.
A woman in the waiting room who had seen all this rushed up to the little old lady and said, “It’s a miracle! You walked in bent in half and now you’re walking erect. What did that doctor do?”
“Gave me a longer cane.” Continue reading
Wow! What another great week just whizzed by. We’ve had great weather, went up to town again (twice), enjoyed a primary school sports day under a blazingly hot bright blue sky and tromped up and down Edgehill with Penelope’s walking group. What’s not to like? Continue reading
As the bus pulled away, a woman realised she had left her purse under the seat. Later she called the company and was relieved to find out the driver had found it. When she went to pick it up, several off-duty bus drivers greeted her.
One of the men handed over her handbag and a box. “We’re required to inventory found wallets and purses,” he explained. “I think you’ll find everything here.
As she started to put her belongings back into the purse, the man continued, “I hope you don’t mind if we watch. Even though we all tried, none of us could fit everything into your purse… and we’d like to see just HOW you do it.” Continue reading
Oh my goodness! Another great week with lots of fun, lots of work and lots of pretty decent sunny weather. We had Bubble for an overnighter, we enjoyed a wandering supper as well as a date night overflowing with culture while, in between, toiling in Penelope’s woodland garden. And we enjoyed a gloriously sunny version of the longest day! Continue reading
This from my friend Julie although I think we’ve probably had it before.
Found on the Refrigerator One Morning:
My Dear Wife,
You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 57 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don’t be upset—-I shall be home before midnight.
When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table:
My Dear Husband,
I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 57 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 57 years old. As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with John, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years old.
As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference – 18 goes into 57 a lot more times than 57 goes into 18.
Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow. Continue reading
Oh! What a busy, busy week. We’ve been out and about in-between bouts of toiling and boiling on Ms Playchute’s latest garden project. There was a celebratory meal with the winner of an important competition, another visit to Thenford Gardens, a jaunt up to London for an exhibition and a great meal at a “pop-up” restaurant nearby. Whew! Continue reading
An important and very well publicised murder trial was soon to begin. In preparation for the trial, the tiresome jury selection process took place, each side hotly contesting and dismissing potential jurors.
One prospective juror, Dan O’Keefe, was called for his question session.
He was asked, “Property holder?”
Dan replied, “Yes, I am, Your Honor.”
Then he was asked, “Married or single?”
Dan responded, “Married for twenty years, Your Honor.”
Then the judge asked, “Formed or expressed an opinion?”
Dan stated with certainty, “Not in twenty years, Your Honor.” Continue reading
Another good week – what are the chances of that? The weather has been tolerably tolerable and we’ve spent many a “happy” hour toiling in the garden. Penelope, of course, spends most of her time beating the garden into submission; I get involved only on an ad hoc basis when there are things that require my particular skill set. I.e., tasks which do not require much thinking or understanding of good gardening practice and which may or may not involve heavy lifting. And even then, I still mess up! Continue reading
This from my friend Julie:
While riding my Harley the other day, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.
Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful women who asked, “Are you okay?”
As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low cut blouse with cleavage to die for…
“I’m okay I think,” I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.
She said, “Get in and I’ll take you home so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head.”
“That’s nice of you,” I answered, but I don’t think my wife will like me doing that!
“Oh, come now, I’m a nurse,” she insisted. “I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly.”
Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, “I’m sure my wife won’t like this.”
We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, “I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I’d better go now.”
“Don’t be silly!” she said with a smile, while slowly unbuttoning her blouse. “Stay for a while. She won’t know anything. By the way, where is she?”
“Still in the ditch with my bike I guess.” Continue reading