“When I was in high school, there was a girl I loved so much, every time I walked past her locker I kissed it.”
“Did you ever go on a date?”
“No. It was bolted to the wall.”
Continue reading “15 June 2025 – Amusements”Category: Amusements
8 June 2025 – Amusements
Two elderly ladies meet at the launderette after not seeing one another for some time. After enquiring about each other’s health, one asked how the other’s husband was doing.
“Oh! Ted died last month. He went out to the garden to cut a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch.”
“Oh dear! I’m very sorry,” replied her friend, “What did you do?”
“Called and had a pizza delivered instead.”
Continue reading “8 June 2025 – Amusements”
1 June 2025 – Amusements
This originally came from our friend Erik Benson in France:
MY WIFE’S RIDE-ON LAWN MOWER IS NOW FOR SALE !
Here’s the story. It’s still hard to believe the way it turned out.
My wife said she wanted a ride-on lawn mower. She works all day and was always tired when she came home from work, and I thought that a ride-on lawn mower would help her get the yard work done quicker so she would have more time for the chores inside.
So, being the handy sort of guy that I am, I made her a ride-on lawn mower. I thought she would squeal with delight or something and give me a big hug. I even put a light on it so she could work at night (see photo below), after she finishes putting away the dinner dishes.
To this day I still can’t understand why some women are so hard to please!!
P.S.
I can see out of my left eye pretty good now and should be able to leave the hospital sometime next week!
Continue reading “1 June 2025 – Amusements”25 May 2025 – Amusements
It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop.
She confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it..???
Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.
He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said. “I’ll be 16 tomorrow.”
“I know.” Said the Butcher with a smile.
“I’ve been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she’ll get and watch the expression on her face.”
When the boy arrived home he told his mother.
The woman nodded and said.
“Son, go back to the Butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face”.
Continue reading “25 May 2025 – Amusements”18 May 2025 – Amusements
A Texas farmer went on vacation to Australia. He met up with an Australian farmer who prouldly showed off his wheat field.
“That’s nothing” said the Texan. “Back home, we have wheat fields that are twice as large as this.”
Next the Australian pointed out his cattle.
“They’re nothing,” said the Texan. “Back home, we have longhorns that are twice as big as your cows.”
Just then, half a dozen kangaroos bounded across the road.
“What are those?” asked the Texan.
The Australian replied, “Don’t you have grasshoppers in Texas?”
Continue reading “18 May 2025 – Amusements”11 May 2025 – Amusements
A man solves the problem of too many visiting relatives. He borrowed money from the rich ones and loaned it to the poor ones. Now none of them come back.
Continue reading “11 May 2025 – Amusements”
4 May 2025 – Amusements
Woman Stops Grizzly Attack with a .25 Calibre Pistol
A story of one woman’s self-control and marksmanship with a little .25 cal. against a fierce predator.
“While out hiking in Alberta, Canada with my husband we were surprised by a huge grizzly bear charging at us from out of nowhere. She must have been protecting her cubs because she was extremely aggressive,” the woman recalled. “If I had not had my little .25 calibre Beretta with me I would not be here today!
“Just one shot to my husband’s knee was all it took. The bear got him and I was able to escape by walking away. It’s one of the best pistols in my collection!”
Continue reading “4 May 2025 – Amusements”27 April 2025 – Amusements
A man takes his wife to a disco. There’s a guy on the dance floor break dancing, moonwalking, back flips, the works. The wife turns to her husband and says, “See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.”
The husband says, “Looks like he’s still celebrating!”
Continue reading “27 April 2025 – Amusements”20 April 2025 – Amusements
A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall: $500 if we fail to fill your order! When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant ears on rye. She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen.
The restaurant owner comes storming out of the kitchen. He runs up to the customer’s table, slaps five $100 bills down on it and says, “You got me this time buddy, but I want you to know that’s the first time in ten years we’ve been out of rye bread!”
Continue reading “20 April 2025 – Amusements”13 April 2025 – Amusements
We’ve had this before but it never gets old because it is so accurate!
A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted,” Excuse me, can you help? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”
The woman below replied, “You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.”
“You must be an engineer,” said the balloonist.
“I am,” replied the woman. “How did you know?”
“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of you, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help so far.”
The woman below responded, “You must be in management.”
“I am,” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?”
“Well,” said the woman, “you don’t know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault!”
Continue reading “13 April 2025 – Amusements”