The Moreton Pinkney Picayune

Greg's Occasional News & Views

20 September 2015

Good morning on what I hope is another splendid morning wherever you are. For me, it seems like another week has gone racing by and I feel as if I’m scrambling through treacle trying to keep up! Apart from a few simple, trivial tasks, I don’t feel as if I’m making much progress in the ever-expanding list of those things which need doing. Pen, on the other hand, is racing ahead and the fabric for her new Roman blinds in the lounge arrived a few days ago – she’ll be on to those soon while I am still trying to remember where I put the screwdriver. Continue reading

20 September 2015 – Amusements

Dear Tide,

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I’ve used it all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best.

Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck.

Well, one thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative.

Then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.

What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product.

Well, gotta go — I have to write to the Hefty Bag people.

Your friend,

Monica

Continue reading

13 September 2015

Good morning to you all and welcome to the inaugural edition of the Moreton Pinkney Picayune! We received hundreds/dozens/loads/a few/one or two suggestions for what we should call this weekly pox on your inbox now that we have moved from Byfield to Moreton Pinkney. Most of the suggestions we received were too rude for a family publication but my father suggested we call it the Moreton Pinkney Picayune and the name fits exceedingly well. Continue reading

13 September 2015 – Amusements

An old lady walked into a newspaper office.

She approached an employee and said that her husband had died and that she would like to have an obituary appear in the paper.

The employee gave her a form and told her to write the obituary on it. She wrote, “Earl W. Worth died Saturday, December 2nd at his home. Services are at The Baptist Church at 3 P.M.”

The employee looked at the form and said, “I’m sorry, ma’am, but obituaries are limited to 7 words apiece.

The woman took another form and wrote, “Earl died. ’57 Chevy truck for sale.”

Continue reading

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