The Moreton Pinkney Picayune

Greg's Occasional News & Views

27 December 2015

Hope you all had the most marvellous Christmas you could have hoped for. We certainly did! It was wet and windy but still remarkably mild for the end of December – the temperature was 58 degrees Farhenheit as we drove to Nick and Lucy’s for lunch. The wet and windy bit I understand but what is going on with the moderate temperatures? Mother Nature is becoming increasingly confused – our lawns need mowing (I retired the lawn mower for this season in the middle of October, I thought), bulbs are bulbing, and even the birds are beginning to look at one another with a little twinkle in their eyes. Crazy. Continue reading

27 December 2015 – Amusements

The wife and I were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy Sunday morning.

I said to her, “If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff.”

“Now why would you want me to do something like that?” she asked.

“I figure that you would eventually remarry and I don’t want some other asshole using my stuff.”

She looked at me and said: “What makes you think I’d marry another asshole?” Continue reading

20 December 2015

It’s still unbelievably mild! Mid-December and the temperatures around our neck of the woods are similar to what we might expect in May, so the very nice BBC weather woman told me on the radio on Friday morning. Certainly not what we are used to in December! Lots of photos of daffodils blooming in various parts of the country – ours are not out but we do have the green shoots of some of our spring bulbs thinking about making an early appearance. Oh! They’re going to be pretty pissed off when the winter finally kicks in.

daffodils

Continue reading

20 December 2015 – Amusements

Vicky was at a business conference.

During a break, she decided to call home collect.

Her six-year-old son picked up the phone and heard a stranger’s voice say, “We have Vicky on the line. Will you accept the charges?”

Frantic, the six-year-old dropped the receiver and came charging outside screaming, “Dad! They have Mom! And they want money!” Continue reading

13 December 2015

Is Christmas really less than two weeks away?!

This will be quite an usual Christmas for us – we’re still in disarray from the move and the various projects ongoing at Framington House and Nick and Lucy are in the midst of their own house move early in the New Year so it’s chaos all round. Wherever and however jumbled and unsettled it might be, it’s sure to be fun and we’re well on the way to being ready or at least giving a very convincing illusion of being so. Continue reading

13 December 2015 – Amusements

A variation on a popular theme.

Satan was complaining bitterly to God: “You made the world so that it was not fair.”

And God said, “Yes.”

“And you made it so that most people would have to struggle every day, fight against their innate wishes and desires, and deal with all sorts of losses, grief, disasters, and catastrophes.”

And God said, “Yes.”

“Yet people worship and adore you. People fight, get arrested, and cheat each other, and I get blamed, even when it is not my fault.”

And God said, “Uh huh. So?”

“Sure, I’m evil, but give me a break. Can’t you do something to make them stop blaming me?”

And so God created lawyers. Continue reading

6 December 2015

Back home again after a short & sweet outing to the States for Thanksgiving. Although it was but a fleeting visit, it was especially sweet nevertheless – it provided me with my first opportunity to give my mother a squeeze and a hug since my father died at the end of October. There was sadness in the visit, no doubt, but also a great deal of pleasure and much to be thankful and grateful for. And even better, I managed to squeeze in two Thanksgiving dinners in the space of three days.
Continue reading

6 December 2015 – Amusements

For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at a country inn. The last time he’d finally managed an affair with the innkeeper’s daughter.

When it was finally time for his annual vacation, he headed to the inn with hopes of continuing where he left off.

After he arrived, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover next to his door — with an infant on her lap!

“Brittany, why didn’t you write when you learned you were pregnant?” he cried. “I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!”

“Well,” she said, “when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin’ and talkin’, and finally decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer.” Continue reading

29 November 2015

A quick update this week – as I wrote last time, I think, I’m currently in the States visiting with my mother, both my brothers and their delightful families. Visiting this week does mean that I’ve been able to enjoy not one but two Thanksgiving dinners – I knew I came at the right time. But, before we get to a brief account of some of our adventures this week, I need to bring you up to date with last weekend’s activities. Continue reading

29 November 2015 – Amusements

These came from our friend Erik Benson.

If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.

~Jay Leno~

The problem with political jokes is they get elected.

~Henry Cate, VII~

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office

~Aesop~

If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these State of the Union speeches, there wouldn’t be any inducement to go to heaven.

~Will Rogers~

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.

~Nikita Khrushchev~

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I’m beginning to believe it.

~Clarence Darrow~

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you.

~Author unknown~

Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.

~John Quinton~

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.

~Oscar Ameringer~

I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them.

~Adlai Stevenson, 1952~

A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.

~ Tex Guinan~

I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.

~Charles de Gaulle~

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.

~Doug Larson~

There ought to be one day — just one — when there is open season on Congressmen.

~Will Rogers~ Continue reading

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