The Moreton Pinkney Picayune

Greg's Occasional News & Views

12 June 2016 – Amusements

Two older, successful businessmen met at a resort. One who had recently retired was describing his life, “I get up late in the morning, have a light breakfast and then I lie down on my veranda for a few hours and relax.

In the afternoon I go inside for lunch, have a great salad, fruits and cold fish, then I spend the rest of the afternoon boating or playing golf or tennis…

When it starts to get dark I have a great dinner with the finest wines. I smoke a Cuban cigar. Then I go lie on my veranda again.”

The other gentleman acknowledges that this is a life to be envied. Later he reported the conversation to his wife. She asked, “What’s his wife’s name?”

Her husband said, “I’m not sure, but I think it’s Veranda.” Continue reading

5 June 2016

So, where were we? As we explained last time, we’ve been away for a few weeks and now, like the worst kind of “friends” who make you sit through their tedious holiday tales and infinite vacation photographs, we’ll share some of ours with “y’all.” Continue reading

5 June 2016 – Amusements

A man was chosen for jury duty who very much wanted to be dismissed from serving. He tried every excuse he could think of but none of them worked.

On the day of the trial he decided to give it one more shot. As the trial was about to begin he asked if he could approach the bench.

“Your Honor,” he said, “I must be excused from this trial because I am prejudiced against the defendant.”

“Oh?” the judge said.

“Yes!” the man replied. “I took one look at the man in the blue suit with those beady eyes and that dishonest face and I said ‘He’s a crook! He’s guilty, guilty, guilty’ So, your Honor, I could not possibly serve on this jury!”

The judge replied, “Get back in the jury box. You are just the kind of juror we are looking for — a good judge of character.”

“But your honor!” the man protested. “How can you say that?!”

“Because,” the judge said, “that man is the defendant’s lawyer.” Continue reading

29 May 2016

My goodness – it’s been a long time since we wrote anything here. It seems as if we’ve been away forever. As we warned you last time, we’ve been away in the States all this time – some very good times, unfortunately, a very sad time at the end of our stay and then some very good news we received yesterday. Continue reading

29 May 2016 – Amusements

A man goes to the doctor with a swollen foot. After a careful examination, the doctor gives the man a pill big enough to choke a horse.

“I’ll be right back with some water,” the doctor tells him.

The doctor has been gone a while and the man loses patience. He hobbles out to the drinking fountain, forces the pill down his throat and gobbles down water until the pill clears his throat. He hobbles back into the examining room.

Just then the doctor comes back with a bucket of warm water. “Ok, after the tablet dissolves, soak that foot for about 20 minutes.” Continue reading

24 April 2016

Good morning. We’ve had a fairly decent spell of weather this week but it’s been a little of the “Good cop, bad cop” variety. We had some bright sunshine and even tolerably warm days at the beginning of the week; the tail end has brought colder temperatures and cloudier skies as we welcome a spell of freezing winds from the Arctic. Even the good days, though, have been somewhat schizophrenic at times – we are often on the cusp of competing weather fronts. So, when we watch the weather on the evening news we can get quite excited about the spell of splendidly warm and sunny weather they predict only to find that we’ve ended up on the wrong side of the line. Again. Oh well. Continue reading

24 April 2016 – Amusements

Some of my friends started a company built around an innovative idea for an online business. A debate broke out about what to name the venture. “We have to call it Imagination,” one passionate participant cried out.

Everyone thought the idea over for a minute, and then a voice of reason replied, “Are you sure you want your business card to read ‘Imagination, Limited’?” Continue reading

17 April 2016

You know the old saying about waiting for a bus – you spend all day long waiting for a bus and then three come along at once? Our social calendar apparently operates in a similar manner. Last Friday lunchtime we went from having absolutely no commitments over the weekend to being thoroughly occupied with three “social” occasions in about twenty minutes. It’s lovely to be able to take advantage of such activities when they arise. Continue reading

17 April 2016 – Amusements

No one is more cautious than a first-time parent. After our daughter was big enough to ride on the back of my bicycle, I bought a special carrier with a seat belt and got her a little helmet.

The day of the first ride I put her in the seat, double-checked all the equipment, wheeled the bike to the end of the driveway, carefully looked both ways and, swinging my leg up over the crossbar, accidentally kicked her right in the chin. Continue reading

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