The Moreton Pinkney Picayune

Greg's Occasional News & Views

14 February 2016

Greetings, once again, from beautiful downtown Moreton Pinkney. It’s been a grand week with tolerably decent weather, especially towards the end of the week. It’s been cold and frosty overnight but sunny and deceptively Spring-like in the afternoons. The weather was so glorious on Thursday afternoon that we took ourselves off for a tromp across the countryside.
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14 February 2016 – Amusements

Son: Dad, I want to get married.

Father: First, tell me you’re sorry.

Son: For what?

Father: Say sorry.

Son: But for what? What did I do?

Father: Just say sorry.

Son: But…what have i done wrong?

Father: Say sorry!

Son: WHY?

Father: Say sorry!!

Son: Please, just tell me why?

Father: Say sorry!!!

Son: OK, Dad…I’m sorry!

Father: There! You’re finished training. When you learn to say sorry for no reason at all, then you’re ready to get married!
Continue reading

7 February 2016 – Amusements

We’ve had it before and it’s not even remotely topical, but I still like it:

A couple was invited to a swanky Halloween party.

The day of the party the wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived.

She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and messed around.

Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, “Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you’re not there.”

Then she asked, “Did you dance much?”

He replied, “I’ll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I’ll tell you… the guy I loaned my costume to sure had a real good time!” Continue reading

31 January 2016

It’s been a mixed bag of a weather week – cold, windy and wet followed by sunny and not so wet followed by more cold, windy and wet. Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose! Continue reading

31 January 2016 – Amusements

It was the day before a big presidential election primary, and hordes of candidates from both parties arrived to campaign. As environmentalism was identified as a major issue in the state, the candidates curried favor by deciding to ride from town to town in the same bus.

All went well until sunset, when the bright sun on the horizon blinded the bus driver at a critical curve on a rural road. The driver missed the curve and the bus overturned. A farmer saw it happen and drove over in his tractor to help.

Two hours later, the farmer was back at his farmhouse and called the sheriff to report the accident.

“What took you so long to call?!” demanded the sheriff.

“I had to bury them all,” the farmer said.

“What?!” the panicked sheriff screamed. “They were all dead? Every single candidate for president?!”

“Well,” the farmer drawled, “they were politicians, after all.”

“What do you mean?” the sheriff said.

“Well, some of ’em said they weren’t dead, but you know you can’t trust anything a politician says.” Continue reading

24 January 2016

Hello, good morning and welcome to another Moreton Pinkney Picayune. We have a bumper, bumper crop of bits and pieces this week. The weather’s been cold, hovering just about freezing, and we even had a frosting of snow last Sunday. To be fair, it was only about an inch or so but still very pretty. And, as when we lived in Byfield, the road to town is regularly travelled and therefore we had no disruption to our day. All the snow had vanished by Monday, which is fine with me. Continue reading

24 January 2016 – Amusements

I love these allegedly true newspaper headlines:

  • Crack Found on Governor’s Daughter
  • Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
  • Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
  • Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
  • Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
  • Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
  • Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
  • Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
  • Miners Refuse to Work after Death
  • Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
  • War Dims Hope for Peace
  • If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
  • Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
  • Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
  • Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
  • Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
  • Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
  • New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
  • Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
  • Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
  • Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Continue reading

17 January 2016

Hello, and welcome to another Sunday. The early part of the week has been cold, wet and windy and it seems that “winter” is finally trying to make its presence felt. We had our first frost on Thursday night/Friday morning and the end of the week was bright, sunny and cold! They’ve had snow further north and various warnings about the impending Arctic weather but so far we, at least, are snow-free. It would be nice if that were to continue indefinitely but the “experts” reckon we’ll probably get our share in the coming week(s).

Oops! Stop Press – our first snow of the season was delivered on Saturday night/Sunday morning! Very pretty and not enough to cause any disruption – that’s the kind of snow I can just about put up with. Continue reading

17 January 2016 – Amusements

A C-141 cargo plane was preparing for departure from Thule Air Base in Greenland, and they were waiting for the truck to arrive to pump out the aircraft’s sewage holding tank.

The Aircraft Commander was in a hurry, the truck was late in arriving, and the Airman performing the job was extremely slow in getting the tank pumped out.

When the commander berated the Airman for his slowness and promised punishment, the Airman responded:

“Sir, I have no stripes, it is 20 below zero, I’m stationed in Thule, and I am pumping sewage out of airplanes. Just what are you going to do to punish me?” Continue reading

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