Greg's Occasional News & Views
It’s been a good week, on occasion almost bordering on SCORCIO! Highs in the mid to high 20s (high 70s to mid 80s F) – lovely. Too hot for some but just about right for me. Mind you, mowing the lawns in the blast furnace was a bit much – I would be happier watching someone else mow the lawns while I recline in the hammock with a modest-to-large Pimms in hand.
Peter was telling a friend that he had just lost his job.
“Why did the foreman fire you?” the friend asked in surprise.
“Oh,” Peter said, “you know how foreman are. They stand around with their hands in their pockets watching everybody else work.”
“We all know that,” replied his friend. “But why did he let you go?”
“Jealousy,” answered Pete. “All the other workers thought I was the foreman.”
Continue reading “4 August 2024 – Amusements”A very nice week with some decent weather for a change. Yes, although it’s hard to believe, we’ve had some days this week which could almost be considered summer-like. Temperatures “soaring” into the low 20s (high 60s to low 70s), a generally gentle breeze with mainly sunny skies with the occasional fluffy cloud. After the rain and cold weather we’ve been enduring all year (it seems), it’s made a pleasant change.
Continue reading “28 July 2024”An attorney I know once drafted wills for an elderly husband and wife who had been somewhat apprehensive about discussing death. When they arrived to sign the documents, he ushered the couple into his office.
“Now,” he said to them, “which one of you wants to go first?”
Continue reading “28 July 2024 – Amusements”Back again from a great few days in the campervan near Ross on Rye. Sorry to have missed you last weekend. It’s a very lovely area which we’d not really explored before. So, part of this trip was just to poke around but also to see how a cranky old man in our party would cope with the “demands” of a camping expedition. Thankfully, we all passed with flying colours.
Continue reading “21 July 2024”A hillbilly went hunting one day in West Virginia and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home where he was confronted by an ornery game warden who didn’t like hillbillies. The game warden ordered the hillbilly to show his hunting license, and the hillbilly pulled out a valid West Virginia hunting license.
The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed it’s butt, and said, “This duck ain’t from West Virginia. This is a Kentucky duck. You got a Kentucky hunting license, boy?” The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced a Kentucky hunting lcense.
The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed it’s butt, and said, “This ain’t no Kentucky duck. This duck’s from Tennessee. You got a Tennessee licence?”
The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced a Tennessee license. The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck. “This duck’s from Virginia. You got a Virginia hunting license?”
Again the hillbilly reached into his wallet and brought out a Virginia hunting license. The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the hillbilly, “Just where the hell are you from?”
The hillbilly turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said, “You tell me, you’re the expert!”
Continue reading “21 July 2024 – Amusements”Well, what a week it’s been. We had a great time last weekend with our friends on the south coast, we enjoyed a Circus on a Stage with Annabelle and Jessie, the Moreton Pinkney Big Breakfast ensured that I would not go hungry and, undoubtedly most importantly, the UK electorate finally turfed out the Tories after fourteen years of wanton destruction, from Brexit to the NHS to education to foul-smelling, shit-infused rivers and beaches to the highest level of taxation in seventy years and the poorest level of public services I’ve ever seen. You could not make up just how bad they were. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
Continue reading “7 July 2024”I was dining in our Georgia town, when a tourist stopped by my table. “Excuse me,” he said. “My wife loves your sandals. Did you buy them somewhere locally?”
”Yes, just down the street,” I said.
“May I ask how much they cost?”
“They were $77.”
“Thank you.” He then hollered to his wife, “Honey, she got them in Florida!”
Continue reading “7 July 2024 – Amusements”And, we’re off (again) – another weekend away – not sure I can keep this up! This weekend we are off to visit with friends near Brighton with an outing (yesterday) to see The Caretaker at Chichester Theatre. As a consequence, this edition of the MPP may be a bit sparse and (perhaps) to the point? Probably not.
Continue reading “30 June 2024”Two guys talking in a bar: “I can’t break my wife of the habit of staying up until 5 in the morning.”
“What is she doing ’til 5 a.m.?” the pal asked.
“Waiting for me to get home.”