Good morning. It’s been a tolerably tolerable week. The temperatures are certainly higher than they were a week ago – indeed, we’ve reached double figures on a couple of occasions! No rain, sleet or snow to ruin our days but the wind is still streaming in with a vengeance which makes it feel as if it’s colder than it really is. Hey, ho. Now that Spring is officially here we’re looking forward to basking in warm sunshine any day now. Continue reading
Bad weather meant I was stuck overnight at O’Hare airport in Chicago. Along with hotel accommodations, the airline issued each passenger a $10 meal ticket, or “chit.” That evening after dinner I presented my meal ticket to the cashier.
“Is this chit worth $10?” I asked.
Looking up nervously, the cashier responded, “I’m sorry, sir. Was the meal really that bad?” Continue reading
Hopefully, this latest little flurry of snow will be the last of the season – is that too much to ask? We had a couple of positively Spring-like days in the week but the Mini Beast from the East arrived overnight on Friday/Saturday. The temperature plunged and we were dusted with a smattering of snow – those clever folks at the Met Office tell us we’ll get to keep these lovely freezing temperatures until the middle of the week. That’s OK, I guess as long as that really is the end of it. It’s time!
A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. “I welcome you into the family!” said the man. “To show you how much we care for you, I am making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operation.”
The son-in-law interrupted. “I hate factories. I can’t stand the noise.”
“I see,” replied the father-in-law. “Well, then you’ll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations.”
“I hate office work,” said the son-in-law. “I can’t stand being stuck behind a desk.”
“Wait a minute,” said the father-in-law. “I just made you half owner of a money-making industry, but you don’t like factories, and won’t work in an office. What am I going to do with you?”
“Easy,” said the son-in-law. “Buy me out.” Continue reading
Phew! We finally made it out of the village and into town on Sunday following our temporary weather-induced incarceration. Of course, our snow-boundness was nothing compared to the inundation those of you in the great Northeast have recently enjoyed but it was substantial and significant for our neck of the woods. Altogether we probably had only about eight inches of snow, the big problem was the strong, icy-cold easterly winds causing drifting of the snow across the roads. Even on Sunday when we finally ventured out it was still tricky going near the Sulgrave turn (for those of you who know it) with single lane traffic inching its way along the road between great sheaths of snow on either side. Continue reading
A man was wandering around a fairground and he happened to see a fortune-teller’s tent. Thinking it would be good for a laugh, he went inside and sat down.
“Ah…..” said the woman as she gazed into her crystal ball. “I see you are the father of two children.”
“That’s what you think”, the man laughed. “I’m the father of THREE children.”
The woman grinned and said, “That’s what YOU think!” Continue reading
Oh, my goodness! We had an absolutely astonishingly excellent time last weekend! Shame that the rest of the week turned out to be somewhat less than ideal. Continue reading
In a small business office they have an answering machine that instructs callers to leave their name and address, and to spell any difficult words.
Early one Monday the secretary was reviewing the weekend messages and she heard an enthusiastic young woman recite her name and address and then confidently offer, “My difficult word is reconciliation. R-E-C-O-N-C-I-L-I-A-T-I-O-N.” Continue reading
The calendar says it’s still February but there are signs of spring everywhere – crocuses and daffodils peeking their heads out to check the weather and new-born lambs gambolling in the fields. Still, the calendar says it’s still February and the bitterly freezing arctic winds and the heavy frosts suggest that winter’s not done yet! Continue reading
It’s the day before Thanksgiving and the butcher is just locking up when a man pounds on the door. “Please let me in,” says the man, “I forgot to buy a turkey and my wife will kill me if I don’t come home with one.”
“Okay,” says the butcher. “Let me see what’s left.” He goes into the freezer and discovers that there’s only one scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man.
“That one’s too skinny. What else have you got”? says the man. The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes then brings the same turkey back out to the man.
“Oh no,” says the man, “that one doesn’t look any better. You better give me both of them.” Continue reading