Another wild and wacky week! The weather has been frightful with strong winds and torrential rain in between the few sunny moments and Spring-like conditions. And the political machinations of Brexit continue to amuse, enthral and terrify us all! You could not make this stuff up! Continue reading
A woman came home from the store with two cases of beer, three bottles of wine, a bottle of whiskey and two loaves of bread.
“Are we expecting company?” her husband asked.
“No,” she replied.
“Then why did you buy so much bread?” Continue reading
What a busy week! We’ve had a number of excellent outings even if the weather has been somewhat less than excellent. Actually, the mornings have dawned gloriously sunny but by midday the rain and Arctic gales have swept in – what’s that all about? Continue reading
A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text;
“If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you.”
He replied, “I am on the toilet. Please advise.” Continue reading
Good week, bad week. Rather like the good cop, bad cop interrogation methods sometimes employed against hardened criminals, this week’s weather was similar – good (bordering on great) weather for the first part of the week (records were broken!); a reversion to normalcy from Thursday onwards with the usual cooler temperatures, rain and gale force winds.
A FEW SIMPLE RULES FOR HAPPY LIVING:
Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.
Avoid arguments with women about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
For high blood pressure sufferers – simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer.
A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. You’ll be afraid to cough.
You only need two tools in life – WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn’t move and it should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn’t move and it does, use the duct tape.
If you can’t fix it with a hammer, you’ve got an electrical problem.
Daily thought: Some people are like Slinkies…not really good for much but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs. Continue reading
Another good week – decent enough weather, more progress on the building project, a sleep over and an outing with Annabelle. What could be better than that? Continue reading
A man invites his friend back home for dinner. The wife pulls him into the bedroom and hisses at him, “I haven’t fixed my hair, done my make-up, I haven’t even done any housework much less cook any dinner! Why the fuck did you invite him around for?”
“Because he’s thinking about getting married.” Continue reading
We’ve had some absolutely gorgeous days this week – who’d have thought it was mid-February! The temperature reached the lofty heights of 12 C (nearly 54 F) on Thursday and the skies were clear, bright and sunny. One could almost be convinced that Spring was imminent. Continue reading
An Irishman went to London for a visit to the zoo. While there, he saw a man with an elephant act. The man claimed the elephant could look at person and tell that person’s age. The Irishman was very sceptical and said so, in no uncertain terms. The man had the elephant look at a small boy and the elephant stamped its foot 9 times. “Is that right?” he asked the boy.
“Oh yes.” the boy said.
The Irishman was very loud, in his not believing that this was true. The man asked the elephant to tell the ages of several people, and each time the elephant stamped his foot and the people said he was correct.
The Irishman got even louder and more abusive toward the man. Finally the man could take it no longer and wagered the Irishman that the elephant could look at him and tell him his age. The Irishman took him up on the wager. The elephant looked real close at the Irishman, turned around, raised his tail and cut wind like you wouldn’t believe, turned back around and stomped his foot twice.
Whereupon the Irishman stumbled back and with a sound of disbelief in his voice cried, “BeGabbers, he’s right! Farty-two!” Continue reading