10 July 2022

And so, after Penelope’s great wasp adventure, we come to our excursion to the wilds of Northumberland – a four-night camping expedition with campervan and dog. And it was great. It is a beautiful county with gorgeous countryside, a plethora of castles and wide, wide dog-friendly sandy beaches. Indeed, everywhere was dog-friendly and Daisy found herself welcomed and admired just about everywhere we went. And, if that’s not enough, there was some great seafood!

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10 July 2022 – Amusements

A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband. The women were asked, “How many of you love your husband?” All the women raised their hands.

Then they were asked, “When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?”

Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn’t remember.

The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband: “I love you, sweetheart.”

The women were then told to exchange phones with another person, and to read aloud the text message they received, in response.

Here are some of the replies:

1. Who the hell is this?
2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?
3. Yeah, and I love you too. What’s up with you?
4. What now? Did you wreck the car again?
5. I don’t understand what you mean?
6. What the hell did you do now?
7. You’re kidding, right?
8. Don’t beat about the bush; just tell me how much you need?
9. Am I dreaming?
10. If you don’t tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.
11. I thought we agreed you wouldn’t drink during the day.
12. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn’t she?

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3 July 2022

And, we’re back! After a marvellous four nights in Northumberland which was every bit as splendid as I had hoped it might be. Beautiful, wide sandy beaches where Miss Daisy could run free, a fabulous collection of rotten old ruins of the sort our boys used to love being dragged around back in the day, a glut of delicious shellfish and other assorted seafood and pretty decent weather. What more could one ask?

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3 July 2022 – Amusements

A senior citizen drove his brand-new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. Amazing, he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear-view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring.

He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, what am I doing? I’m too old for this, and pulled over to await the trooper’s arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, “Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I’ve never heard before, I’ll let you go.”

The old gentleman paused. Then he said, “Years ago, my wife ran off with a state trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.”

“Have a good day, sir,” replied the trooper.

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26 June 2022 – Amusements

One day, an employee received an unusually large pay check. She decided not to say anything about it.

The following week, her check was short the overpayment she received the previous week. So, she confronted her boss about it.

“How come,” her boss inquired, “you didn’t say anything when you were overpaid?”

Unperturbed, the employee replied, “Well, I can overlook one mistake – but two in a row is getting unacceptable!”

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19 June 2022

And there we are – back again before you’d even noticed we’d been away. It’s been a great week. We had the first proper outing in the campervan and I’m pleased to say that both the dog and the two elderly campers survived the experience. It also gave us a chance to visit a dear old friend (i.e., she’s been a friend of ours for a very long time and she’s older than we are so she must be old!). Splendid.

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19 June 2022 – Amusements

At Sunday school they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs.

Later that day his mother noticed him lying down, curled up on the floor as though he were ill. She said, “Johnny what is the matter?” Little Johnny responded, “I have a pain in my side. I think I’m gonna have a wife!”

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12 June 2022 – Amusements

A baby turtle was standing at the bottom of a large tree and with a deep sigh, started to climb.

About an hour later, he reached a very high branch and walked along to the end. He turned and spread all four flippers and launched himself off the branch. On landing at the bottom in a pile of soft, dead leaves, he shook himself off, walked back to the bottom of the tree and with a sigh started to climb.

About an hour later, he again reached the very high branch, walked along, turned, spread his flippers and flung himself off the branch.

Again, he landed on the bottom, shook himself off, went to the bottom of the tree, sighed and started climbing.

Watching these proceedings from the end of the branch were two little birds. Mommy bird turned to Daddy bird and said, “Don’t you think it’s time we told him he was adopted?”

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