Happy New Year to you all. I hope you had a pleasant transition from 2015 to 2016 and that you’ve made a list of resolutions which you might have some remote chance of maintaining. As with most years, we were sound asleep and no doubt snoring vigorously when midnight arrived in Moreton Pinkney but it was New Year’s somewhere and that’s good enough for me. Continue reading
Men between 60 and 80 years of age, will, on average, have sex two or three times per week, (and a small number a lot more) whereas Japanese men, in exactly the same age group, will have sex only once or twice per year if they are lucky.
This has come as very upsetting news to both me and most of my mates, as none of us had any idea we were Japanese. Continue reading
Hope you all had the most marvellous Christmas you could have hoped for. We certainly did! It was wet and windy but still remarkably mild for the end of December – the temperature was 58 degrees Farhenheit as we drove to Nick and Lucy’s for lunch. The wet and windy bit I understand but what is going on with the moderate temperatures? Mother Nature is becoming increasingly confused – our lawns need mowing (I retired the lawn mower for this season in the middle of October, I thought), bulbs are bulbing, and even the birds are beginning to look at one another with a little twinkle in their eyes. Crazy. Continue reading
The wife and I were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy Sunday morning.
I said to her, “If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff.”
“Now why would you want me to do something like that?” she asked.
“I figure that you would eventually remarry and I don’t want some other asshole using my stuff.”
She looked at me and said: “What makes you think I’d marry another asshole?” Continue reading
It’s still unbelievably mild! Mid-December and the temperatures around our neck of the woods are similar to what we might expect in May, so the very nice BBC weather woman told me on the radio on Friday morning. Certainly not what we are used to in December! Lots of photos of daffodils blooming in various parts of the country – ours are not out but we do have the green shoots of some of our spring bulbs thinking about making an early appearance. Oh! They’re going to be pretty pissed off when the winter finally kicks in.
Vicky was at a business conference.
During a break, she decided to call home collect.
Her six-year-old son picked up the phone and heard a stranger’s voice say, “We have Vicky on the line. Will you accept the charges?”
Frantic, the six-year-old dropped the receiver and came charging outside screaming, “Dad! They have Mom! And they want money!” Continue reading
Is Christmas really less than two weeks away?!
This will be quite an usual Christmas for us – we’re still in disarray from the move and the various projects ongoing at Framington House and Nick and Lucy are in the midst of their own house move early in the New Year so it’s chaos all round. Wherever and however jumbled and unsettled it might be, it’s sure to be fun and we’re well on the way to being ready or at least giving a very convincing illusion of being so. Continue reading
A variation on a popular theme.
Satan was complaining bitterly to God: “You made the world so that it was not fair.”
And God said, “Yes.”
“And you made it so that most people would have to struggle every day, fight against their innate wishes and desires, and deal with all sorts of losses, grief, disasters, and catastrophes.”
And God said, “Yes.”
“Yet people worship and adore you. People fight, get arrested, and cheat each other, and I get blamed, even when it is not my fault.”
And God said, “Uh huh. So?”
“Sure, I’m evil, but give me a break. Can’t you do something to make them stop blaming me?”
And so God created lawyers. Continue reading
Back home again after a short & sweet outing to the States for Thanksgiving. Although it was but a fleeting visit, it was especially sweet nevertheless – it provided me with my first opportunity to give my mother a squeeze and a hug since my father died at the end of October. There was sadness in the visit, no doubt, but also a great deal of pleasure and much to be thankful and grateful for. And even better, I managed to squeeze in two Thanksgiving dinners in the space of three days.
For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at a country inn. The last time he’d finally managed an affair with the innkeeper’s daughter.
When it was finally time for his annual vacation, he headed to the inn with hopes of continuing where he left off.
After he arrived, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover next to his door — with an infant on her lap!
“Brittany, why didn’t you write when you learned you were pregnant?” he cried. “I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!”
“Well,” she said, “when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin’ and talkin’, and finally decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer.” Continue reading