The Moreton Pinkney Picayune

Greg's Occasional News & Views

10 January 2016

It’s been a good week – I hope yours has been tolerably pleasant as well. It’s still unseasonably mild but there’s just a tinge of winter in the wind and I suspect it won’t be too long before the frost descends and those daffodils and other bulbs which have ventured out of their hibernation too soon will be cut down in their prime! Actually, as I sit in my study overlooking the Upper Green, the wind is howling and the rain and sleet is hurtling horizontally against the window – absolutely miserable. Continue reading

10 January 2016 – Amusements

A child asked his father, “How were people born?”

So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.”

The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.”

The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!”

His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.” Continue reading

3 January 2016

Happy New Year to you all. I hope you had a pleasant transition from 2015 to 2016 and that you’ve made a list of resolutions which you might have some remote chance of maintaining. As with most years, we were sound asleep and no doubt snoring vigorously when midnight arrived in Moreton Pinkney but it was New Year’s somewhere and that’s good enough for me. Continue reading

3 January 2016 – Amusements

Men between 60 and 80 years of age, will, on average, have sex two or three times per week, (and a small number a lot more) whereas Japanese men, in exactly the same age group, will have sex only  once or twice per year if they are lucky.

This has come as very upsetting news to both me and most of my mates, as none of us had any idea we were Japanese. Continue reading

27 December 2015

Hope you all had the most marvellous Christmas you could have hoped for. We certainly did! It was wet and windy but still remarkably mild for the end of December – the temperature was 58 degrees Farhenheit as we drove to Nick and Lucy’s for lunch. The wet and windy bit I understand but what is going on with the moderate temperatures? Mother Nature is becoming increasingly confused – our lawns need mowing (I retired the lawn mower for this season in the middle of October, I thought), bulbs are bulbing, and even the birds are beginning to look at one another with a little twinkle in their eyes. Crazy. Continue reading

27 December 2015 – Amusements

The wife and I were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy Sunday morning.

I said to her, “If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff.”

“Now why would you want me to do something like that?” she asked.

“I figure that you would eventually remarry and I don’t want some other asshole using my stuff.”

She looked at me and said: “What makes you think I’d marry another asshole?” Continue reading

20 December 2015

It’s still unbelievably mild! Mid-December and the temperatures around our neck of the woods are similar to what we might expect in May, so the very nice BBC weather woman told me on the radio on Friday morning. Certainly not what we are used to in December! Lots of photos of daffodils blooming in various parts of the country – ours are not out but we do have the green shoots of some of our spring bulbs thinking about making an early appearance. Oh! They’re going to be pretty pissed off when the winter finally kicks in.

daffodils

Continue reading

20 December 2015 – Amusements

Vicky was at a business conference.

During a break, she decided to call home collect.

Her six-year-old son picked up the phone and heard a stranger’s voice say, “We have Vicky on the line. Will you accept the charges?”

Frantic, the six-year-old dropped the receiver and came charging outside screaming, “Dad! They have Mom! And they want money!” Continue reading

13 December 2015

Is Christmas really less than two weeks away?!

This will be quite an usual Christmas for us – we’re still in disarray from the move and the various projects ongoing at Framington House and Nick and Lucy are in the midst of their own house move early in the New Year so it’s chaos all round. Wherever and however jumbled and unsettled it might be, it’s sure to be fun and we’re well on the way to being ready or at least giving a very convincing illusion of being so. Continue reading

13 December 2015 – Amusements

A variation on a popular theme.

Satan was complaining bitterly to God: “You made the world so that it was not fair.”

And God said, “Yes.”

“And you made it so that most people would have to struggle every day, fight against their innate wishes and desires, and deal with all sorts of losses, grief, disasters, and catastrophes.”

And God said, “Yes.”

“Yet people worship and adore you. People fight, get arrested, and cheat each other, and I get blamed, even when it is not my fault.”

And God said, “Uh huh. So?”

“Sure, I’m evil, but give me a break. Can’t you do something to make them stop blaming me?”

And so God created lawyers. Continue reading

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