The Moreton Pinkney Picayune

Greg's Occasional News & Views

27 March 2016

It’s been another busy but tolerably pleasant week for all that. We had another outing to a “Silver Matinee” cinema performance and we also had a swarm of plasterers descend upon us to progress another of Penelope’s Projects further forward. (What is the appropriate collective noun for a group of at least three plasterers? A horde? A swarm? A gaggle? A plethora of plasterers?) And, on a gorgeous Good Friday, Penelope made progress on another project; the edging tiles on the front path are looking good! Continue reading

27 March 2016 – Amusements

As it’s Easter . . .

A Baptist pastor was presenting a children’s sermon.

During the sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was.

Asking questions during children’s sermons is crucial. Asking children questions in front of a congregation can also be very dangerous.

After the pastor asked the children if they knew the meaning of the resurrection, a little boy raised his hand. The pastor called on him And the little boy said, “I’m not sure, but I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor.”

Continue reading

20 March 2016

What a busy week we’ve had! Sunday to the airport to throw Greg the Younger on a plane back to Sweden, Monday the first lawn-mow of the season (ridiculously early compared to previous years), Tuesday an expedition to King’s Lynn in Norfolk, Wednesday another Silver Matinee while much of the rest of the week has been spent watching Penny work. Marvellous. Continue reading

20 March 2016 – Amusements

This sounds like me.

After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband begin to touch her in ways he hadn’t in quite some time.

It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then slid his hand across her shoulders and neck, slowly worked it down one side, then the other, stopping just over her lower stomach.

He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed downward again, working down her side, passed gently over and then in between her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.

As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, “That was wonderful. Why did you stop?”

“I found the remote,” he said. Continue reading

13 March 2016

Whew! What a week. We’ve had the full gamut of weather this week from sleeting down rain and sleet to glorious, glorious (and warm) sunshine to impenetrable fog and mist. We’ve also been compelled to provide unrelenting amusement opportunities to a most splendid visitor as well as somehow fitting in all the other events and diversions in our ceaselessly entertaining lives. Continue reading

13 March 2016 – Amusements

Have we had this before?

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favour?”

“Of course. What may I do for you?”

“Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the customs limits and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there anyway you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?”

“I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.”

“With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.”

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare?”

“From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.”

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, “And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?”

“I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.”

Roaring with laughter, the official said, “Go ahead, Father. Next!” Continue reading

6 March 2016

Good morning and welcome to March – surely we can’t have too much more of this cold and very breezy weather to endure, can we? It’s nearly Spring, isn’t it? Please? We’ve had a few good days this week, fresh with bright, bright, bright blue skies as well as some fairly miserable days with cold, freezing Arctic winds and lashings of rain. I guess it’s true – variety being the spice of life, I mean. Continue reading

6 March 2016 – Amusements

Have we had this before?

On the morning of her birthday, a woman told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond necklace. What do you think it means?”

“Maybe you’ll find out tonight,” he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. She ripped off the wrapping paper and found a book titled “The Meaning of Dreams.” Continue reading

28 February 2016

What a great week! Tolerably decent weather, an enjoyable outing to the old people’s matinee at the cinema and a horde of workmen descending on Framington House to move a couple of Penelope’s Projects along a bit.

The weather has turned cold but, in compensation, the skies for much of the week have been clear and bright and blue. The weather front dividing the country into two last weekend slowly slid southward during the week so that we too got to enjoy the Arctic blasts – Thursday morning even brought a little dusting of snow as if someone had sprinkled a bit of powdered sugar over the Green. And, because the sun was bright it even gave the appearance of being warm (which it wasn’t but you know how easily fooled some people are) – Penelope took the sunshine as an excuse to continue hacking and chopping the overgrowth outside. Continue reading

28 February 2016 – Amusements

This poor man is facing surgery on both his feet because of severe wounds. The doctor has warned him that he cannot tell how bad the damage is until he gets him in the operating room and he has prepared the man for the worst.

After surgery, the man is slowly waking up and he sees the surgeon approaching his bed. The doc looks at him and says, “I have good news and I have bad news – which would you like first?”

The man nervously responds, “Give me the bad news first.”

The doc says, “I had to take both your feet”

“Oh my, what could possibly be the good news?” says the man.

“The guy in the bed next to you wants to buy your slippers!” Continue reading

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