The Moreton Pinkney Picayune

Greg's Occasional News & Views

5 June 2016 – Amusements

A man was chosen for jury duty who very much wanted to be dismissed from serving. He tried every excuse he could think of but none of them worked.

On the day of the trial he decided to give it one more shot. As the trial was about to begin he asked if he could approach the bench.

“Your Honor,” he said, “I must be excused from this trial because I am prejudiced against the defendant.”

“Oh?” the judge said.

“Yes!” the man replied. “I took one look at the man in the blue suit with those beady eyes and that dishonest face and I said ‘He’s a crook! He’s guilty, guilty, guilty’ So, your Honor, I could not possibly serve on this jury!”

The judge replied, “Get back in the jury box. You are just the kind of juror we are looking for — a good judge of character.”

“But your honor!” the man protested. “How can you say that?!”

“Because,” the judge said, “that man is the defendant’s lawyer.” Continue reading

29 May 2016

My goodness – it’s been a long time since we wrote anything here. It seems as if we’ve been away forever. As we warned you last time, we’ve been away in the States all this time – some very good times, unfortunately, a very sad time at the end of our stay and then some very good news we received yesterday. Continue reading

29 May 2016 – Amusements

A man goes to the doctor with a swollen foot. After a careful examination, the doctor gives the man a pill big enough to choke a horse.

“I’ll be right back with some water,” the doctor tells him.

The doctor has been gone a while and the man loses patience. He hobbles out to the drinking fountain, forces the pill down his throat and gobbles down water until the pill clears his throat. He hobbles back into the examining room.

Just then the doctor comes back with a bucket of warm water. “Ok, after the tablet dissolves, soak that foot for about 20 minutes.” Continue reading

24 April 2016

Good morning. We’ve had a fairly decent spell of weather this week but it’s been a little of the “Good cop, bad cop” variety. We had some bright sunshine and even tolerably warm days at the beginning of the week; the tail end has brought colder temperatures and cloudier skies as we welcome a spell of freezing winds from the Arctic. Even the good days, though, have been somewhat schizophrenic at times – we are often on the cusp of competing weather fronts. So, when we watch the weather on the evening news we can get quite excited about the spell of splendidly warm and sunny weather they predict only to find that we’ve ended up on the wrong side of the line. Again. Oh well. Continue reading

24 April 2016 – Amusements

Some of my friends started a company built around an innovative idea for an online business. A debate broke out about what to name the venture. “We have to call it Imagination,” one passionate participant cried out.

Everyone thought the idea over for a minute, and then a voice of reason replied, “Are you sure you want your business card to read ‘Imagination, Limited’?” Continue reading

17 April 2016

You know the old saying about waiting for a bus – you spend all day long waiting for a bus and then three come along at once? Our social calendar apparently operates in a similar manner. Last Friday lunchtime we went from having absolutely no commitments over the weekend to being thoroughly occupied with three “social” occasions in about twenty minutes. It’s lovely to be able to take advantage of such activities when they arise. Continue reading

17 April 2016 – Amusements

No one is more cautious than a first-time parent. After our daughter was big enough to ride on the back of my bicycle, I bought a special carrier with a seat belt and got her a little helmet.

The day of the first ride I put her in the seat, double-checked all the equipment, wheeled the bike to the end of the driveway, carefully looked both ways and, swinging my leg up over the crossbar, accidentally kicked her right in the chin. Continue reading

10 April 2016

It’s been a quiet and moderately successful week even if I haven’t achieved very much (so what else is new?) and the weather has been somewhat less than perfect. After a few splendid, sunny Spring days last week, this week it’s been cloudier, wetter and windier and, with the wind pouring out of the northeast, considerably “fresher” than we might have hoped. It’s true what they say about those April showers! Still, we haven’t yet received a bucket load of snow as our friends and family in the great northeast did so I guess we should count our blessings. Continue reading

10 April 2016 – Amusements

There’s a little old Christian lady living next door to an atheist. Every morning the lady comes out onto her front porch and shouts “Praise the Lord!”

The atheist yells back, “There is no God.”

She does this every morning with the same result. As time goes on, the lady runs into financial difficulties and has trouble buying food. She goes out onto the porch and asks God for help with groceries, then says “Praise the Lord.”

The next morning she goes out onto the porch and there’s the groceries she asked for, and of course, she shouts “Praise the Lord!”

The atheist jumps out from behind a bush and says, “Ha, I bought those groceries – there is no God.”

The lady looks at him and smiles, she shouts “Praise the Lord, not only did you provide for me Lord, you made Satan pay for the groceries!” Continue reading

3 April 2016

Good morning on what I hope will turn into a splendid day for each of you. We’ve had a few good days at the end of the week following the havoc wrought by Storm Katie which sped through on Sunday night/Monday morning leaving damage and devastation in its wake. The real rough stuff was concentrated on the south coast so we escaped the real tumult – only one roofing slate came down in the wind. Continue reading

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