The Moreton Pinkney Picayune

Greg's Occasional News & Views

23 October 2016 – Amusements

As we left the gym after our first real workout in years, my husband and I both felt energized. “Let’s make a commitment to do it three times a week,” I said.

“Absolutely,” my husband agreed, “three times at a minimum.”

“And no whining,” I said. “No excuses.”

“No, we’ll do it,” he said enthusiastically, “you can count on it.”

“And on my late night, we can just meet here at the gym.”

“The gym?” my husband said, confused. “I thought we were talking about sex?” Continue reading

16 October 2016

We’ve had some glorious weather this week – exactly what autumn ought to be about. Clear blue skies with a light breeze and a touch of crispness in the air. Cool enough for a sweater or light jacket but no need for the coat yet. The Orchard has begun to display the muted colours which pass for autumn foliage in our part of the UK and work on Penelope’s Garden continues apace. Continue reading

16 October 2016 – Amusements

A man goes to consult a specialist about his medical problem. After the visit the man asks, “How much do I owe you?”

“My fee is five hundred dollars,” replies the physician.

“Five hundred dollars? That’s impossible. No one charges that much!”

“In your case,” the doctor replies, “I suppose I could adjust my fee to three hundred.”

“Three hundred dollars? For one visit? Ridiculous.”

“Well, then, could you afford two hundred?”

“Who has that kind of money?”

“Look, replies the doctor,” growing irritated, “Just give me a hundred and get out of my office, okay?”

“I can give you fifty,” says the man. “Take it or leave it.”

“I don’t understand you,” says the doctor. “Why did you come to the most expensive doctor in New York if you have no money?”

“Listen, Doctor,” says the patient, “When it comes to my health, nothing is too expensive!” Continue reading

9 October 2016

What a glorious week we’ve had – lovely, Autumnal weather, bright and clear with just a touch of crispness to wake up all the senses. Not surprisingly, Ms Playchute has spent the week tending her garden – chopping, pruning, digging. Very surprisingly, I also was involved in a few projects (under her careful supervision, of course). Continue reading

9 October 2016 – Amusements

A lawyer meets with the family of a recently deceased millionaire for the reading of the will.

“To my loving wife, Rose, who always stood by me, I leave the house and $2 million,” the attorney reads.

“To my darling daughter, Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave the yacht, the business and $1 million.”

“And finally,” the lawyer concludes, “to my cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me and thought I would never mention him in my will. Well, you were wrong. Hi Dan!” Continue reading

2 October 2016

Greg & Penny’s Chinese Adventure 2016 – Part III

And so, we come to our brief stop-over in Hong Kong on our way home. Our flight from Guilin to Hong Kong was at the very reasonable time of four in the afternoon so we had a leisurely start to our final day in Yangshuo. We gathered our possessions and packed our bags ready for the ride to the airport which was due to depart the Outside Inn at about 1.00 pm. Adam and Ava came out to the Inn along with Jessica and Ava’s mum and we were delighted to be able to spend a bit more time with each other before having to say good-bye. Continue reading

2 October 2016 – Amusements

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was.

Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

“Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?” she asked.

“They’re mating,” her father replied.

“What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?” she asked.

“That’s a Daddy Longlegs,” her father answered.

“So, the other one is Mommy Longlegs?” the girl asked.

“No,” her father replied. “Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.

“The little girl thought for a moment, then she stomped them flat and said, “Well, it might be okay in California and New York, but we’re not having any of that crap in Texas.” Continue reading

25 September 2016

Greg & Penny’s Chinese Adventure 2016 – Part II

With Jessica’s 100 Day Birthday Party in the rear view mirror we had a week full of adventures to work our way through before leaving Yangshuo for a couple of days in Hong Kong. Not surprisingly, Adam made sure we were thoroughly entertained for the remainder of our visit.

The day after Jessica’s party (Monday) we borrowed a couple of the “least bad” bicycles the Outside Inn had to offer and made our way along the canal path and into Yangshuo where we were aiming to meet up with Ava’s folks. They were on their way back to Liuzhou on the afternoon bus and so we met up at Rock ‘N’ Grill in Yangshuo for lunch. Continue reading

25 September 2016 – Amusements

There was a teenage boy who worked in the produce section of the local market. A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy said he would go ask his manager about the matter. So he walked into the back and said, “There’s some jerk out there who wants to buy only a half a head of lettuce.” As he was finishing saying this he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, “and this here gentleman wants to buy the other half…”

The manager okayed the deal and the man went on his way.

Later the manager called on the boy and said, “You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here. Where are you from son?”

The boy replied, “Canada, Sir.”

“Oh really? Why did you leave Canada?” asked the manager.

The boy replied, “They’re all just up-tight, homely women and hockey players up there.”

“Really,” replied the manager, “My wife is from Canada!”

The boy replied, “No kidding! What team did she play for?” Continue reading

18 September 2016

Greg & Penny’s Chinese Adventure 2016 – Part I

Welcome home! As Penelope and I slumped into bed on Thursday evening we realised that we had accidentally discovered a space/time warp. As we had enjoyed so many outstanding adventures on our trip to China, it felt as if we had been away for months, not merely two weeks. I guess it’s true what they say – doesn’t time fly when you are enjoying yourselves? And what enjoyment we enjoyed! Continue reading

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