This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor’s pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is very dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house, gives it a bath, blow-dries its fur, and puts the rabbit back into the cage on the neighbor’s back porch, hoping that they will think it died of natural causes.
A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, “Did you hear that Fluffy died?”
The guy stumbles around and says, “No.. umm.. no.. I didn’t. what happened?”
The neighbor replies, “We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after the kids buried him in the backyard we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There are some real sick people out there!” Continue reading
So, it’s finally over – the referendum to settle Britain’s relationship with Europe forever. And, the turkeys have indeed voted in favour of Thanksgiving.
After a campaign based on racism and lies, we finally know that the whole thing was an utter waste of time and money and there are nothing but losers everywhere one turns. The UK is a huge loser – the value of the pound plummeted as the result became clear and we now face forever being on the outside looking in with no opportunity to engage with and make the European Union better for everyone. Cameron is certainly a loser (I almost wrote “tosser” there but that would be too rude). Having called the referendum to, as John Major described it when he was fighting with his Eurosceptics more than twenty years ago, to “lance the boil” of his European dissenters, he’s achieved the opposite and is now consigned to the dustbin of history. He will be remembered as the man who almost single-handedly destroyed the United Kingdom. Scotland will almost certainly demand a second independence referendum – during the last one a very persuasive argument deployed was that the only way Scotland could remain part of the EU was to stick with the United Kingdom. That particular lever has now been broken and the Scots will almost certainly vote to leave the UK this time. Continue reading
My wife told me that I did not love any of her relatives.
“Nonsense,” I told her. “That is not true. I love your mother-in-law and father-in-law much more than I love mine.” Continue reading
We had a fun weekend with our nephew David, my sister Susie’s son. He was due to be in London for a Mozilla conference and, bizarrely, thought he might come a few days early to spend some time with us. It’s clear that the TripAdvisor review Greg the Younger completed following his visit that the Guest Wing at Framington House is on the “Must Do” list. His visit was a delight and pleasure. Continue reading
A young, southern buck went to Las Vegas. Sitting in a cocktail lounge, and sipping on some bourbon, he beckoned the waitress and said quietly, “Miss, y’all sure are a luvly, luvly lady. Can ah persuade y’all to give me a piece of ass?”
“Wow, that’s the most direct proposition I’ve ever had!” gasped the girl.
Then she looked around the room, smiled and said, “Sure, why not? You’re an attractive guy, and it’s pretty slow here right now, so why don’t we just slip away up to your room?”
When they returned half an hour later, the man sat down at the same table and the waitress smiled at him and asked, “Will there be anything else?”
“Why yes,” replied the southern gentleman. “Ah sure ‘preciate what y’all just did for me. It was real sweet and right neighbourly of y’all. But where ah come from in Alabama, we lak our bourbon cold, so ah still need a piece o’ ass for mah drink.” Continue reading
Good morning/afternoon/evening to you all. Hope your week has been enjoyably pleasant with fine weather, sunshine and good cheer. Continue reading
Two older, successful businessmen met at a resort. One who had recently retired was describing his life, “I get up late in the morning, have a light breakfast and then I lie down on my veranda for a few hours and relax.
In the afternoon I go inside for lunch, have a great salad, fruits and cold fish, then I spend the rest of the afternoon boating or playing golf or tennis…
When it starts to get dark I have a great dinner with the finest wines. I smoke a Cuban cigar. Then I go lie on my veranda again.”
The other gentleman acknowledges that this is a life to be envied. Later he reported the conversation to his wife. She asked, “What’s his wife’s name?”
Her husband said, “I’m not sure, but I think it’s Veranda.” Continue reading
So, where were we? As we explained last time, we’ve been away for a few weeks and now, like the worst kind of “friends” who make you sit through their tedious holiday tales and infinite vacation photographs, we’ll share some of ours with “y’all.” Continue reading
A man was chosen for jury duty who very much wanted to be dismissed from serving. He tried every excuse he could think of but none of them worked.
On the day of the trial he decided to give it one more shot. As the trial was about to begin he asked if he could approach the bench.
“Your Honor,” he said, “I must be excused from this trial because I am prejudiced against the defendant.”
“Oh?” the judge said.
“Yes!” the man replied. “I took one look at the man in the blue suit with those beady eyes and that dishonest face and I said ‘He’s a crook! He’s guilty, guilty, guilty’ So, your Honor, I could not possibly serve on this jury!”
The judge replied, “Get back in the jury box. You are just the kind of juror we are looking for — a good judge of character.”
“But your honor!” the man protested. “How can you say that?!”
“Because,” the judge said, “that man is the defendant’s lawyer.” Continue reading
My goodness – it’s been a long time since we wrote anything here. It seems as if we’ve been away forever. As we warned you last time, we’ve been away in the States all this time – some very good times, unfortunately, a very sad time at the end of our stay and then some very good news we received yesterday. Continue reading