The Moreton Pinkney Picayune

Greg's Occasional News & Views

24 January 2016 – Amusements

I love these allegedly true newspaper headlines:

  • Crack Found on Governor’s Daughter
  • Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
  • Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
  • Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
  • Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
  • Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
  • Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
  • Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
  • Miners Refuse to Work after Death
  • Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
  • War Dims Hope for Peace
  • If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
  • Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
  • Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
  • Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
  • Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
  • Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
  • New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
  • Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
  • Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
  • Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Continue reading

17 January 2016

Hello, and welcome to another Sunday. The early part of the week has been cold, wet and windy and it seems that “winter” is finally trying to make its presence felt. We had our first frost on Thursday night/Friday morning and the end of the week was bright, sunny and cold! They’ve had snow further north and various warnings about the impending Arctic weather but so far we, at least, are snow-free. It would be nice if that were to continue indefinitely but the “experts” reckon we’ll probably get our share in the coming week(s).

Oops! Stop Press – our first snow of the season was delivered on Saturday night/Sunday morning! Very pretty and not enough to cause any disruption – that’s the kind of snow I can just about put up with. Continue reading

17 January 2016 – Amusements

A C-141 cargo plane was preparing for departure from Thule Air Base in Greenland, and they were waiting for the truck to arrive to pump out the aircraft’s sewage holding tank.

The Aircraft Commander was in a hurry, the truck was late in arriving, and the Airman performing the job was extremely slow in getting the tank pumped out.

When the commander berated the Airman for his slowness and promised punishment, the Airman responded:

“Sir, I have no stripes, it is 20 below zero, I’m stationed in Thule, and I am pumping sewage out of airplanes. Just what are you going to do to punish me?” Continue reading

10 January 2016

It’s been a good week – I hope yours has been tolerably pleasant as well. It’s still unseasonably mild but there’s just a tinge of winter in the wind and I suspect it won’t be too long before the frost descends and those daffodils and other bulbs which have ventured out of their hibernation too soon will be cut down in their prime! Actually, as I sit in my study overlooking the Upper Green, the wind is howling and the rain and sleet is hurtling horizontally against the window – absolutely miserable. Continue reading

10 January 2016 – Amusements

A child asked his father, “How were people born?”

So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.”

The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.”

The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!”

His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.” Continue reading

3 January 2016

Happy New Year to you all. I hope you had a pleasant transition from 2015 to 2016 and that you’ve made a list of resolutions which you might have some remote chance of maintaining. As with most years, we were sound asleep and no doubt snoring vigorously when midnight arrived in Moreton Pinkney but it was New Year’s somewhere and that’s good enough for me. Continue reading

3 January 2016 – Amusements

Men between 60 and 80 years of age, will, on average, have sex two or three times per week, (and a small number a lot more) whereas Japanese men, in exactly the same age group, will have sex only  once or twice per year if they are lucky.

This has come as very upsetting news to both me and most of my mates, as none of us had any idea we were Japanese. Continue reading

27 December 2015

Hope you all had the most marvellous Christmas you could have hoped for. We certainly did! It was wet and windy but still remarkably mild for the end of December – the temperature was 58 degrees Farhenheit as we drove to Nick and Lucy’s for lunch. The wet and windy bit I understand but what is going on with the moderate temperatures? Mother Nature is becoming increasingly confused – our lawns need mowing (I retired the lawn mower for this season in the middle of October, I thought), bulbs are bulbing, and even the birds are beginning to look at one another with a little twinkle in their eyes. Crazy. Continue reading

27 December 2015 – Amusements

The wife and I were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy Sunday morning.

I said to her, “If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff.”

“Now why would you want me to do something like that?” she asked.

“I figure that you would eventually remarry and I don’t want some other asshole using my stuff.”

She looked at me and said: “What makes you think I’d marry another asshole?” Continue reading

20 December 2015

It’s still unbelievably mild! Mid-December and the temperatures around our neck of the woods are similar to what we might expect in May, so the very nice BBC weather woman told me on the radio on Friday morning. Certainly not what we are used to in December! Lots of photos of daffodils blooming in various parts of the country – ours are not out but we do have the green shoots of some of our spring bulbs thinking about making an early appearance. Oh! They’re going to be pretty pissed off when the winter finally kicks in.

daffodils

Continue reading

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