The Moreton Pinkney Picayune

Greg's Occasional News & Views

7 April 2019

My goodness what a lousy week. In contrast to last week which was largely dry, sunny and warm, this week it has been wet, dismal and cold. We went from 16 C last week (low 60s F) to 2 C (just above freezing) this week. What’s that all about? Continue reading

7 April 2019 – Amusements

At a workshop on dog temperament, the instructor noted that a test for a canine’s disposition was for an owner to fall down and act hurt. A dog with poor temperament would try to bite the person, whereas a good dog would lick his owner’s face or show concern.

Once, while eating pizza in the living room, I decided to try out this theory on my two dogs. I stood up, clutched my heart, let out a scream and collapsed on the floor.

The dogs looked at me, glanced at each other and raced to the coffee table for my pizza. Continue reading

31 March 2019 – Amusements

Had it before? Almost certainly . . .

During the banquet celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. “Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?” an anonymous voice yelled from the back of the room.

Tom responded, “Well, I’ve learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, self-restraint, meekness, forgiveness — and a great many other qualities you wouldn’t need if you had stayed single.” Continue reading

24 March 2019

Welcome to another wild, weird and wacky week! The Brexit Clusterf**k gets increasingly surreal as we approach the deadline for falling off the cliff – this coming Friday – and we still have no idea what is going to happen. Apart from all that, we had a clear view of the Super Worm Moon on Wednesday, Jessica and I shared poorly eyes and our choice of bricks for the kitchen extension have allegedly been approved. Continue reading

24 March 2019 – Amusements

Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Mary.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

Managing not to yell, Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

In the morning, Flynn woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Mary staring at him from across the room.

She said, “You were drunk again last night weren’t you?”

Flynn said, “Why you say such a mean thing?”

“Well,” Mary said, “it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly…..it’s all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror. Continue reading

17 March 2019

Another wild and wacky week! The weather has been frightful with strong winds and torrential rain in between the few sunny moments and Spring-like conditions. And the political machinations of Brexit continue to amuse, enthral and terrify us all! You could not make this stuff up! Continue reading

10 March 2019

What a busy week! We’ve had a number of excellent outings even if the weather has been somewhat less than excellent. Actually, the mornings have dawned gloriously sunny but by midday the rain and Arctic gales have swept in – what’s that all about? Continue reading

10 March 2019 – Amusements

A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text;

“If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you.”

He replied, “I am on the toilet. Please advise.” Continue reading

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