A variation on a popular theme.
Satan was complaining bitterly to God: “You made the world so that it was not fair.”
And God said, “Yes.”
“And you made it so that most people would have to struggle every day, fight against their innate wishes and desires, and deal with all sorts of losses, grief, disasters, and catastrophes.”
And God said, “Yes.”
“Yet people worship and adore you. People fight, get arrested, and cheat each other, and I get blamed, even when it is not my fault.”
And God said, “Uh huh. So?”
“Sure, I’m evil, but give me a break. Can’t you do something to make them stop blaming me?”
And so God created lawyers. Continue reading
Back home again after a short & sweet outing to the States for Thanksgiving. Although it was but a fleeting visit, it was especially sweet nevertheless – it provided me with my first opportunity to give my mother a squeeze and a hug since my father died at the end of October. There was sadness in the visit, no doubt, but also a great deal of pleasure and much to be thankful and grateful for. And even better, I managed to squeeze in two Thanksgiving dinners in the space of three days.
For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at a country inn. The last time he’d finally managed an affair with the innkeeper’s daughter.
When it was finally time for his annual vacation, he headed to the inn with hopes of continuing where he left off.
After he arrived, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover next to his door — with an infant on her lap!
“Brittany, why didn’t you write when you learned you were pregnant?” he cried. “I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!”
“Well,” she said, “when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin’ and talkin’, and finally decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer.” Continue reading
A quick update this week – as I wrote last time, I think, I’m currently in the States visiting with my mother, both my brothers and their delightful families. Visiting this week does mean that I’ve been able to enjoy not one but two Thanksgiving dinners – I knew I came at the right time. But, before we get to a brief account of some of our adventures this week, I need to bring you up to date with last weekend’s activities. Continue reading
These came from our friend Erik Benson.
If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.
The problem with political jokes is they get elected.
~Henry Cate, VII~
We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office
If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these State of the Union speeches, there wouldn’t be any inducement to go to heaven.
Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I’m beginning to believe it.
Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you.
Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.
Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.
I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them.
~Adlai Stevenson, 1952~
A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.
~ Tex Guinan~
I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.
~Charles de Gaulle~
Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.
There ought to be one day — just one — when there is open season on Congressmen.
~Will Rogers~ Continue reading
Whew! Have we been busy? Is the Pope Catholic and/or do bears defecate in the woods? You betcha!
Phase One of Penelope’s Front Path is finished – having dug, hard-cored and whacked the paths, she has laid the pavers along both sides and, I have to confess, it looks grand. There is still the edging and pointing to do, hence we can really only count Phase One as having been completed. Continue reading
Four southern ladies were sitting around having Bloody Marys and talking about how much their husbands loved them.
The first one says, “My husband loves me so much that he bought me a diamond ring.” But, of course, she was in such a hurry she forgot her rings, but all the women still said, “Oh, how nice.”
The second woman says, “Well, my husband loves me so much he got me a fur coat.” But it was the middle of July and too hot to wear a coat, but still all the ladies said, “Oh, how nice.”
So then the third woman says, “Well, my husband loves me so much he bought me a Mercedes-Benz.” And, of course, she was being chauffeured in the family Buick.
So they all looked at the fourth woman and said, “Well, honey, how much does your husband love you?”
She replied, “He loves me so much that he bought me lessons to a charm school so I could learn to say ‘Oh, how nice’ instead of sarcastically saying ‘Oh, ya, right’ after everything you ladies say.” Continue reading
Good morning to you all. We’ve had a fairly decent week with some pretty fine (and mild) weather at the beginning of the week. Temperatures reached the giddy heights of 16 to 17 degrees Celsius (low 60s in old money) on Tuesday and Wednesday but on Friday the wind and rain started and the temperature plummeted. Fortunately, the chimney’s been swept and the logs have been delivered so we’ve been able to have a few toasty-warm fires to pass the evenings. Continue reading
Joe was known as a stingy bastard, so when he died it quickly went around town that Joe’s will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral.
As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Helen, turned to her oldest friend.
“Well, I’m sure Joe would be pleased,” she said.
“You told me about the $30,000 in the will,” replied her friend Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. “But how much did this really cost?”
“All of it,” said Helen. “Thirty thousand!”
“No!” Jody exclaimed. “I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?”
“The funeral was $6,500,” Helen answered. “The wake, food and drinks were another $1,000. The rest went for the memorial stone.”
Jody computed quickly. “Wait; $22,500 for a memorial stone? My God, how big is it?!”
Helen held up her hand: “Three and a half carats.” Continue reading
Now that the excitement and adventures of our Chinese excursion have been accounted for, it’s “back to normal service” this week. Too bad. And, looking out my study window on a dreary grey morning with the wind howling and the rain sleeting down, I can see that the weather is back to normal as well!
Not much this week although we had a “lovely” day out on Sunday when we impulsively ventured forth on what turned out to be a soulless and dispiriting shopping experience. We went to Ikea in Milton Keynes. Continue reading