Have we had this before?
On the morning of her birthday, a woman told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond necklace. What do you think it means?”
“Maybe you’ll find out tonight,” he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. She ripped off the wrapping paper and found a book titled “The Meaning of Dreams.” Continue reading
What a great week! Tolerably decent weather, an enjoyable outing to the old people’s matinee at the cinema and a horde of workmen descending on Framington House to move a couple of Penelope’s Projects along a bit.
The weather has turned cold but, in compensation, the skies for much of the week have been clear and bright and blue. The weather front dividing the country into two last weekend slowly slid southward during the week so that we too got to enjoy the Arctic blasts – Thursday morning even brought a little dusting of snow as if someone had sprinkled a bit of powdered sugar over the Green. And, because the sun was bright it even gave the appearance of being warm (which it wasn’t but you know how easily fooled some people are) – Penelope took the sunshine as an excuse to continue hacking and chopping the overgrowth outside. Continue reading
This poor man is facing surgery on both his feet because of severe wounds. The doctor has warned him that he cannot tell how bad the damage is until he gets him in the operating room and he has prepared the man for the worst.
After surgery, the man is slowly waking up and he sees the surgeon approaching his bed. The doc looks at him and says, “I have good news and I have bad news – which would you like first?”
The man nervously responds, “Give me the bad news first.”
The doc says, “I had to take both your feet”
“Oh my, what could possibly be the good news?” says the man.
“The guy in the bed next to you wants to buy your slippers!” Continue reading
It’s been another good week (mainly). No great adventures or “dates” this week, just ordinary stuff with one or two modest exceptions. The weather has been largely fine – we’ve had some freezing cold days with bright, bright sunshine and deep blue skies interspersed with some less cold days, overcast and dreary. At the moment, the UK is split into two roughly equal parts by a weather front which is sluggishly traversing the country – to the north temperatures are sub-zero and the precipitation is falling as rain, sleet and snow. To the south temperatures are nudging double digits (Celsius) and, while overcast, it is largely dry and approaching Spring-like conditions. Thankfully, we’re in the south. Continue reading
This past Sunday Mary Ellen and Elisabeth went to the 10:30 AM service and the new pastor was long winded and his sermon was quite long.
After the service was finally over, Mary Ellen said to Elisabeth, “The sermon was beautiful don’t you think?”.
Elisabeth replied “Oh yes it was, but a bit too long. Next week I’m bringing my cushion to sit on, these benches are too hard.”
She continued to say, “You know Mary Ellen at one point during the sermon I thought my butt went to sleep.”
Mary Ellen said, “I know, I heard it snore three times.” Continue reading
Greetings, once again, from beautiful downtown Moreton Pinkney. It’s been a grand week with tolerably decent weather, especially towards the end of the week. It’s been cold and frosty overnight but sunny and deceptively Spring-like in the afternoons. The weather was so glorious on Thursday afternoon that we took ourselves off for a tromp across the countryside.
Son: Dad, I want to get married.
Father: First, tell me you’re sorry.
Son: For what?
Father: Say sorry.
Son: But for what? What did I do?
Father: Just say sorry.
Son: But…what have i done wrong?
Father: Say sorry!
Father: Say sorry!!
Son: Please, just tell me why?
Father: Say sorry!!!
Son: OK, Dad…I’m sorry!
Father: There! You’re finished training. When you learn to say sorry for no reason at all, then you’re ready to get married!
Another wacky week – temperatures hovering around freezing followed by double-digit highs the next day and then back to freezing cold again. The birds are confused and the daffodils and other Spring bulbs are positively bewildered.
We’ve had it before and it’s not even remotely topical, but I still like it:
A couple was invited to a swanky Halloween party.
The day of the party the wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived.
She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and messed around.
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, “Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you’re not there.”
Then she asked, “Did you dance much?”
He replied, “I’ll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I’ll tell you… the guy I loaned my costume to sure had a real good time!” Continue reading
It’s been a mixed bag of a weather week – cold, windy and wet followed by sunny and not so wet followed by more cold, windy and wet. Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose! Continue reading