A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was.
Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.
“Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?” she asked.
“They’re mating,” her father replied.
“What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?” she asked.
“That’s a Daddy Longlegs,” her father answered.
“So, the other one is Mommy Longlegs?” the girl asked.
“No,” her father replied. “Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.
“The little girl thought for a moment, then she stomped them flat and said, “Well, it might be okay in California and New York, but we’re not having any of that crap in Texas.”
Sometimes… when you cry… no one sees your tears …
Sometimes… when you are worried… no one sees your pain…
Sometimes… when you are happy… no one sees your smile…
But fart just one time…
A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he’d try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game. The pro showed him the stance and swing, and then said, “Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green.”
The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole. “Now what?” the fellow asked the speechless pro.
“Uh… you’re supposed to hit the ball into the cup,” the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again.
“Oh great! NOW you tell me!” said the beginner.