An old country boy with a bucket full of live fish was approached by a Game Warden.
The Game Warden asked the man, “May I see your fishing licence, please?”
“No, sir. Don’t need one. These here are my pet fish.”
“Pet fish?” the Game Warden barked.
“Yep, once a week, I bring these here fish o’mine down to the lake and let ‘em swim ‘round for a while. Then, when I whistle, they swim right back into my net and I take ‘em home.”
“HOGWASH! You’re under arrest.”
He said, “It’s the truth. I’ll show ya! We do this all the time!!”
“We do, now, do we?” smirked the warden. “PROVE it!”
He released the fish into the lake and stood and waited. After a few minutes, the warden said, “Well?”
“Well, what?
The warden asked, “When are you going to call them back?”
“Call who back?”
“The FISH!” replied the warden.
“What fish?”
A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.
She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.
“Pardon me, sir, I’m Rebecca Smith from CNN. What’s your name?”
“Morris Feinberg,” he replied.
“Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?”
“For about 60 years.”
“60 years! That’s amazing! What do you pray for?”
“I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop. I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man. I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests.”
“How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?”
“Like I’m talking to a f***ing wall!”
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, the policeman was interrupted by a 6 year-old looking up and down his uniform. She asked. “Are you a policeman?”
“Yes,” he answered and continued writing the report.
“My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?”
“Yes, that’s right,” the policeman told her.
“Well, then,” the little girl said as she extended her foot toward him, “would you please tie my shoe?”