A couple celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary. When they were asked what their secret was to a long lasting marriage they said:
“We take the time to go out to a restaurant two times a week. A candlelight dinner, soft music and a slow walk home. She goes on Tuesdays, and I go on Fridays.”
For his entire working life, a dedicated and hardworking Astrophysicist tried in all earnest to find the existence of other beings somewhere in the universe. After 58 years of constant effort, he finally receives a response from a planet 30 billion light years away.
“What is your planet like?” groaned the extra-terrestrial from the other side of the Galaxy.
“It is 12,756 kilometres in diameter, is 93,000,000 miles from the nearest star, our sun, has an average temperature of 72 degrees F. We breathe oxygen, live about 75 years, and have both men and women” answered the Physicist.
“Do the you get along with the women on your planet?” the extra-terrestrial asked slowly.
Puzzled by the question, but not wanting to insult the female Physicists nearby, he answered “Why yes. We get along quite well here.”
The extra-terrestrial perked up “Can we send you ours?”
Four guys are having drinks and, as one heads to the restroom, the three others started to talk about their successful sons.
The first guy said, “My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a company at the bottom. He studied business and began to climb the corporate ladder, and now he’s the president of the company. He’s so rich he gave his best friend a top-of-the-line Mercedes for Christmas!”
“Damn, that’s terrific!” the second guy said, “My son is also my pride and joy. He started working as a flight attendant on corporate jets. Then went to flight school to become a pilot. He became a partner where he owns the majority of the company. He is so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet as a Christmas gift!”
“Well that’s terrific!” the third man said. “My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer, started his own construction company, and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave an expensive Christmas gift to his best friend: a 30,000 square foot mansion!”
The three guys are congratulating each other just as the fourth guy returns from the restroom to ask what are all the congratulations about?
One of the three guys said, “We’re talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. You have a son too, right? How’s he doing.”
The fourth man says, “My son is gay and makes his living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.”
“That’s a shame…what a disappointment,” the three men mumble.
“Not at all!” the fourth man says. “I’m not ashamed at all: he’s my son and I love him. And he hasn’t done too badly for himself, either. Why, just this Christmas alone he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet, and a top-of-the-line Mercedes from his three best customers!”