When my wife and I showed up at a very popular restaurant, it was crowded. I went up to the hostess and asked, “Will it be long?”
The hostess, ignoring me, kept writing in her book. I asked again, “How much of a wait?”
The woman looked up from her book and said, “Oh, about ten minutes.”
A short time later we heard an announcement over the loudspeaker: “Willette B. Long, your table is ready.”
It was the day of the opening of the new restaurant with free croissants and coffee on offer to customers. Some advertising in the local paper was the main reason for the long line that formed in front of the restaurant by 8:30, the opening time.
A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colorful curses. On the man’s second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw and knocked around a bit, and then thrown to the end of the line again.
As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line, “That does it! If they hit me one more time, I’m not opening the restaurant!”
A young Geordie lad moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a job. The manager asked “Do you have any sales experience?”
The young man answered “Aye, hods, I was a canny salesman back in Newcastle.” The manager liked the Geordie so he gave him the job.
His first day on the job was challenging and busy, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the manager came down and asked “OK,…… so how many sales did you make today?” The Geordie said “Just the one, Marra.”
The manager groaned and continued “Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?
£124,237.64″ replied the Geordie.
The manager choked and exclaimed £124,237.64, what the hell did you sell him?”
“Well, forst I selt him a smaal fish hook, then a medium fish hook, and then I selt him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was gannin’ fishing and he said doon at the coast, so I telt him he would need a boat, so we went doon tiv the boat department and I selt him that twin-engined Power Cat. Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him doon tiv the car sales and I selt him the 4 x 4 Suzuki”.
The manager, incredulous, said “You mean to tell me….a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and 4×4?”
“Nah, nah……he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his ladyfriend and I said……… ‘Well, since ya weekend’s fucked, you might as well gan fishing.”