A young Scottish lad and lassie were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch.
For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, “A penny for your thoughts, Angus.”
“Well, uh, I was thinkin’ perhaps it’s aboot time for a wee kiss.”
The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.
After a while the girl spoke again. “Another penny for your thoughts, Angus.”
“Well, uh, I was thinkin’ perhaps its aboot time for a wee cuddle.”
The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.
After a while the girl spoke again. “Another penny for your thoughts, Angus.”
“Well, uh, I was thinkin’ perhaps its aboot time you let me poot me hand on your leg.”
The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her leg. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.
After a while the girl spoke again. “Another penny for your thoughts, Angus.”
The young man knit his brow. “Well, now,” he said, “my thoughts are a bit more serious this time.”
“Really?” said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation.
“Aye,” said the lad.
The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request.
Angus blurted out, “Din’na ye think it’s aboot time ye paid me the first three pennies?”
This originally came from my father.
A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain. As it was still early, she decided to go to the party. Since her husband didn’t know what her costume was since she had gotten them from the shop, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, even copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. She contained her anger and sidled up to him and, being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived.
She let him go as far as he wished — and why not, since he was her husband?! Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang, still keeping their masks on.
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, “Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you’re not there.”
Then she asked, “Well, did you even get any dancing in?” she asked, knowing how much he enjoys dancing.
“Well, I have a confession to make, honey,” he says. Here we go, she thinks. “Sweetie, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I saw Pete, Bill and Johnny, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I’ll tell you: the guy I loaned my costume says he sure had a good time!”
Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, “Ya know, I reckon I’m ’bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I’m gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go.”
“Well, what are you going to do, then?” Luther asks.
“Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant.”
“Yeah,” Luther agrees.
“Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas,and Earlene got pregnant again.”
“I remember,” Luther says.
“Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earlene didn’t get pregnant again.”
“Yep,” Luther says. “So, what you gonna do this year that’s different?”
“Well,” Billy Bob says, “this year I’m taking Earlene with me.”