A couple was Christmas shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve and the mall was packed.
Walking through the mall the surprised wife looked up and noticed her husband was nowhere around. She was very upset because they had a lot to do.
She pulled out her cell phone to call her husband to ask him where he was.
The husband, in a calm voice, said, “Honey, remember the jewelry store we went into oh, about five years ago, where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we could not afford, and I told you that I would get it for you someday?”
Her anger quickly vanished.
“Yes,” she said, starting to cry a little. “I remember that jewelry store.”
“Well,” he said, “I’m in the bar right next to that store.”
We’ve had it before but I love it!
The teacher was very curious about how each of her students’ celebrated Christmas Eve “Tell me Patrick, what do you do on Christmas Eve?” she asked.
Patrick addressed the class. “Well Miss, me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to midnight Mass and we sing hymns, then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then all excited we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our toys.”
“Very nice Patrick, now Jimmy Brown, what do you do?”
“Well Miss, me and my sister go to Church with Mum and Dad and we sing carols and we get home ever so late. We put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents.”
Remembering there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting to leave him out of the discussion, she asked, “Now Jimmy Cohen, what do you do on Christmas Eve?”
“Well Miss, it’s the same old thing every year. Dad comes home from the office. We all pile into the Rolls and drive to his toy factory. When we get inside we look at all the empty shelves and sing “What a friend we have in Jesus”. Then we go to the Bahamas.”
How can I get my sex life back?
Q: I am 36 and have three children of six and four years and eight months with my partner, with whom I have been for nine years. I am the main carer for them, do most of the household chores, and work outside the home part-time. I feel exhausted, I do not get enough sleep and the last thing on my mind is sex. My libido is gone. This is causing problems with my partner.
A: The best thing for women to do in this situation is to ask the man’s advice on how she could organise her time more effectively so that she has time for her conjugal duties as well as her domestic and childcare duties. Men are often willing to give such advice, being solu- tion-oriented and often being skilled in time management and scheduling. Then, once he has told you how to rework your schedule, fell him with a blunt object and set fire to him.