A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them in the office and they took off for her house. Exhausted from the afternoon’s activities, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m.
As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Confused, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home.
“Where have you been?” demanded his wife when he entered the house.
“Darling,” replied the man, “I can’t lie to you. I’ve been having an affair with my secretary. I fell asleep in her bed and didn’t wake up until eight o’clock.”
The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, “You liar! You’ve been playing golf!”
An 86-year-old man was waiting in the Double Dutch Bar to have some drinks with an old mate. While he was waiting for his mate a gorgeous girl enters the bar and sits down a few seats away from where he was sitting. The girl is so attractive that the old guy just can’t take his eyes off her. After a short while, the girl notices that he’s staring at her, and approaches him.
Before the old guy even has time to apologize for his staring, the girl looks him deep in the eyes and says to him in a sultry tone, “I’ll do anything you’d like me to do. Whatever you can imagine in your wildest dreams, it doesn’t matter how unusual or extreme it might be, I’m game. I only want $100, and there’s one other condition.”
Completely blown away by the sudden turn of events, the old guy asks her what that one condition is. Well, she says; “You have to tell me exactly what you want me to do and you can only use three words to describe it.”
The old man takes a few seconds and considers the offer from that gorgeous girl.
He takes out his wallet and gives $100 dollars to the girl.
He then looks her straight in the eyes, and says slowly and clearly,
“Paint my house.”
A young lady graduated from college and started teaching at an area school. One day she went with a friend to a nearby restaurant for lunch. A man seated next to her asks, “Are you a teacher?”
Surprised but happy, she replied, “Why, yes, I certainly am!” She enjoyed a warm feeling throughout the meal. She looked like a teacher, and this made her feel great. As she was leaving the restaurant, she asked the man, “How did you know I was a teacher?”
“You have chalk dust on your butt,” he replied.