Category: Amusements

Jack goes to his friend Joe and says, “I’m sleeping with the minister’s wife. Can you keep him back in church for an hour after service for me?”

Joe doesn’t like it, but being a friend, he agrees.

After the service, Joe starts talking to the minister, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied.

Finally the minister gets annoyed and asks Joe what he’s really up to.

Joe, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the minister. “My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied.”

The minister thinks for a minute, smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Joe’s shoulder and says, “If I were you I’d hurry home right now. Because my wife died a year ago.” Continue reading “23 September 2018 – Amusements”

The farmer’s son was returning from the market with the crate of chickens his father had entrusted to him, when all of a sudden the box fell and broke open.

Chickens scurried off in different directions, but the determined boy walked all over the neighborhood scooping up the wayward birds and returning them to the repaired crate. Hoping he had found them all, the boy reluctantly returned home, expecting the worst.

“Pa, the chickens got loose,” the boy confessed sadly, “but I managed to find all twelve of them.”

“Well, you did real good, son,” the farmer beamed, “because you only left with seven.” Continue reading “16 September 2018 – Amusements”

A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.

“Where’s Hank?” the others asked.

“Hank had a stroke o’ some kind. He’s a couple of miles back up the trail,” the successful hunter replied.

“You left Hank layin’ out there and carried the deer back?” they asked.

“A tough call,” nodded the hunter, “but I figured no one’s gonna steal Hank!” Continue reading “9 September 2018 – Amusements”

After a trial had been going on for three days, Harrison, the man accused of committing the crimes, stood up and approached the judge’s bench.

“Your Honor, I would like to change my plea from ‘innocent’ to ‘guilty’ of the charges.”

The judge angrily banged his fist on the desk. “If you’re guilty, why didn’t you say so in the first place and save this court a lot of time and inconvenience?” he demanded.

Harrison looked up wide-eyed and stated, “Well, when the trial started I thought I was innocent, but that was before I heard all the evidence against me.” Continue reading “2 September 2018 – Amusements”

As the lone female in our house, I find that certain male habits have really begun to get on my nerves. One day, I emerged from the bathroom completely exasperated when I bumped into my husband.

“What is it with guys that they won’t replace the toilet paper?!” I raged.

“I know,” he said, nodding in agreement. “I noticed that when I was in there earlier.” Continue reading “26 August 2018 – Amusements”

A British friend of mine once found himself at a dinner party sitting next to an attractive American woman. The conversation turned to cricket, and the woman asked my friend to explain the game.

He agreed and embarked on a lengthy explanation of the mysteries of “silly mid-on,” “fine-leg,” “googly,” “chinaman” and the like.

At the end he sat back, exhausted. The woman looked at him, shaking her head in wonderment, “That really is remarkable. And to think they do it all on horseback.” Continue reading “19 August 2018 – Amusements”

A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotherapist’s office and declares, “Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday I broke that trust and had an affair! The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it ever happened!”

The hypnotherapist shakes his head and says. “Not again…” Continue reading “12 August 2018 – Amusements”

One night, a lady stumbled into the police station with a black eye. She claimed she heard a noise in her backyard and went to investigate. The next thing she knew she was hit in the eye and knocked out cold.

An officer was sent to her house to investigate and he returned 1-1/2 hours later with a black eye.

“Did you get hit by the same person?” his captain asked.

“No,” he replied. “I stepped on the same rake.” Continue reading “5 August 2018 – Amusements”

I have changed my system for labelling homemade freezer meals. I used to carefully note in large clear letters, “Meatloaf” or “Pot Roast” or “Steak and Vegetables or “Chicken and Dumplings” or “Beef Pot Pie.”

However, I used to get frustrated when I asked my husband what he wanted for dinner because he never asked for any of those things. So, I decided to stock the freezer with what he really likes.

If you look in my freezer now you’ll see a whole new set of labels. You’ll find dinners with neat little tags that say: “Whatever,” “Anything,” “I Don’t Know,” “I Don’t Care,” “Something Good,” or “Food.” My level of frustration is now reduced because no matter what my husband replies when I ask him what he wants for dinner, I know that it is there waiting. Continue reading “29 July 2018 – Amusements”

A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop pretty high, the zoo officials put up an 8-foot fence. The next morning, however, the kangaroo was out again, idly roaming around the zoo.

The zoo officials raised the height of the fence to ten feet. Again, however, the next morning the kangaroo was again roaming about the zoo. This kept on, night after night, until the fence was 20 feet high.

Finally, the camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, “How high do you think they’ll go?”

The kangaroo replied, “Who knows? Maybe 50 feet. Unless somebody starts locking the gate at night.” Continue reading “22 July 2018 – Amusements”