We’re off to Northumberland for the coming week – back home again in the middle of next week, I think. We’ve completed a number of tasks – both Penelope and I have had our flu and Covid jabs with no ill effects, we’ve netted the pond to catch most of the leaves which will fall in it and I was able to give the lawns a quick trim. Wouldn’t it be nice it that was the last mow of the season? Not a chance – the weather is still unseasonably warm and, naturally, while it’s warm the grass keeps growing!
Continue reading “11 October 2026”11 October 2026
An Australian travel writer touring Canada was checking out of the Vancouver Hilton and, as he paid his bill said to the manager, “By the way, what’s with the Indian chief sitting in the lobby? He’s been there ever since I arrived.”
“Oh, that’s Big Chief Forget-me-Not,'” said the manager. “The hotel is built on an Indian reservation, and part of the agreement is to allow the chief free use of the premises for the rest of his life. He is known as ‘Big Chief Forget-me-Not’ because of his phenomenal memory. He is 92 and can remember the slightest details of his life.”
The travel writer took this in, and as he was waiting for his cab decided to put the chief’s memory to the test.
“G’day, mate!” said the Aussie, receiving only a slight nod in return. “What did you have for breakfast on your 21st birthday?”
“Eggs,” was the chief’s instant reply, without even looking up, and indeed the Aussie was impressed.
He went off on his travel writing itinerary, right across to the east coast and back, telling others of Big Chief Forget-Me-Not’s great memory. (One local helpfully noted to him that ‘How’ was a more appropriate greeting for an Indian chief than ‘G’day mate.)
On his return to the Vancouver Hilton six months later, he was surprised to see ‘Big Chief Forget-me Not’ still sitting in the lobby, fully occupied with whittling away on a stick.
“How,” said the Aussie.
“Scrambled,” said the Chief.
A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husbands. The women were asked, “How many of you love your husband?”
All the women raised their hands. Then they were asked, “When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?”
Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn’t remember. The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband – “I love you, Sweetheart.”
Next the women were instructed to exchange phones with one another and read aloud the text message they received in response to their message. Below are 11 hilarious replies. If you have been married for quite a while, you’ll understand that these replies are a sign of true love. Who else would reply in such a succinct and honest way?
1. Who the hell is this?
2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?
3. Yeah, and I love you too. What’s wrong?
4. What now? Did you wreck the car again?
5. I don’t understand what you mean?
6. What the hell did you do now?
7. Don’t beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need.
8. Am I dreaming?
9. If you don’t tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.
10. I thought we agreed you wouldn’t drink during the day.
11. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn’t she?………
4 October 2026
It’s been another great week. We were up in Northumberland until Wednesday when we drove back to Moreton Pinkney for a range of appointments and tasks over the next ten days or so (flu jabs, covid jabs, car MOT, etc.). We got lots done in Northumberland but there’s still a bunch to do. I tell you – it’s absolutely exhausting watching Penny working so hard.
Continue reading “4 October 2026”4 October 2026 – Amusements
It was parents’ evening at a nice grammar school and a Catholic Priest and a Rabbi find themselves sitting next to each other while the presentations part of the evening is going on.
They start whispering to each other.
The priest says to the rabbi, ‘Excuse me, i don’t want to be rude but can I ask you a personal question? Have you ever tasted pork?’
The rabbi says, ‘No, absolutely not. That is forbidden in our religion, as you know. And I was brought up in a very Orthodox home.
But the priest presses on.
‘What? Not even, when you were a boy, just to see what it tasted like?’
So, the rabbi tells a story of how when he was a boy he went round to one of his friends’ houses and they were having bacon sandwiches for tea. Just out of curiosity, he had some.
‘I tried it,’ says the rabbi, ‘I had a bacon sandwich, but please don’t share that around, eh?’
So the two of them go on sitting watching the presentation. After a bit, the rabbi whispers to the priest, ‘I don’t want to be personal but can I ask you about celibacy? Have I got this right? You’ve never had sex of any kind? Is that right?’
‘That’s right,’ said the priest. ‘The Catholic Church calls its priests to a life of celibacy, and I chose to embrace that commitment completely, even before my ordination.’
‘Really?’ said the rabbi, ‘not even once? You know, when you were a teenager, and people were…. you know…. experimenting?’
‘Well,’ whispers the priest, ‘as you’ve asked, and you were frank and honest with me, I can honestly say, yes, there was one occasion, when I was with a delightful girl in my year at school and, yes, we… er… did… you know… as you say, have a sexual experience together.’
There was a long pause.
And then the rabbi says, ‘Better than bacon, isn’t it.’
27 September 2026
It’s been a decent enough week, thank you for asking. We’ve had some lovely weather with clear skies, bright sunshine and temperatures somewhat higher than we might normally expect at this time of year. Autumn has come but you wouldn’t necessarily know it.
Continue reading “27 September 2026”20 September 2026
And, we’re back! Again. We had a lovely week in Northumberland – the weather was kind and we completed a number of tasks on our “to-do” list, thanks to Penny’s excellent supervision and direction. Progress – just a few things to finish and we’ll be ready to go!
Continue reading “20 September 2026”20 September 2026 – Amusements
Just the one this week.
An elderly couple were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she was stopped by a policeman.
The officer said, “Ma’am, do you know that you were speeding?”
The woman turns to her husband and asks, “What did he say?”
The old man yelled, “He says you were speeding.”
The police office says, “May I see your driving license, please?”
The woman turns to her husband and asks, “What did he say?”
The old man yelled, “He wants to see your license.”
The woman hands the officer her driving license.
The office says, “Oh, I see you are from County Mayo. I spent some time there once and had the worst date of my life!”
The woman turns to her husband and asks, “What did he say?”
The old man yells, “He thinks he knows you.”
13 September 2026
And, we’re off again! Northumberland calls with a number of important tasks and activities! Hurray! The weather is not looking great but most of what we have to do is indoors so we’ll manage somehow, I guess.
Continue reading “13 September 2026”6 September 2026
That’s more like it – a bit of rain on Thursday. At last. Our waterbutts are full again and the grass is beginning to acquire a somewhat greenish tinge. The temperature has also returned to a more normal range for this time of year. Thank goodness that extended drought and heatwave after heatwave turned out to be merely a figment of our imagination. There’s clearly nothing to this climate change nonsense after all, just a beautiful hot sunny summer like they have in more southerly climes.
Continue reading “6 September 2026”6 September 2026 – Amusements
One week before her wedding, a mother pulls aside her daughter (and bride-to-be). She says, “I will now give you the advice that has been passed down from generation to generation, from woman to woman.”
The daughter listened attentively, curious as to what the advice would be.
The mom continued, “Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day. But teach a man to fish, and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.”
Continue reading “6 September 2026 – Amusements”