The Moreton Pinkney Picayune

Just the one this week.

An elderly couple were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she was stopped by a policeman.

The officer said, “Ma’am, do you know that you were speeding?”

The woman turns to her husband and asks, “What did he say?”

The old man yelled, “He says you were speeding.”

The police office says, “May I see your driving license, please?”

The woman turns to her husband and asks, “What did he say?”

The old man yelled, “He wants to see your license.”

The woman hands the officer her driving license.

The office says, “Oh, I see you are from County Mayo. I spent some time there once and had the worst date of my life!”

The woman turns to her husband and asks, “What did he say?”

The old man yells, “He thinks he knows you.”

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One week before her wedding, a mother pulls aside her daughter (and bride-to-be). She says, “I will now give you the advice that has been passed down from generation to generation, from woman to woman.”

The daughter listened attentively, curious as to what the advice would be.

The mom continued, “Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day. But teach a man to fish, and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.”

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Continue reading “6 September 2026 – Amusements”

We’ve had these before but they deserve another outing . . .

It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, “Tell me about the day you died.”

The man said, “Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn’t find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him.

The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died.”

St. Peter couldn’t deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in.

He then asked the next man in line about the day he died.

“Well, sir, it was awful,” said the second man. “I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!”

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job.

“Tell me about the day you died,” he said to the third man in line.

“OK, picture this, I’m naked, hiding inside a refrigerator….”

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Continue reading “30 August 2026 – Amusements”

A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall: $500 if we fail to fill your order! When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant ears on rye. She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen.

The restaurant owner comes storming out of the kitchen. He runs up to the customer’s table, slaps five $100 bills down on it and says, “You got me this time buddy, but I want you to know that’s the first time in ten years we’ve been out of rye bread!”

Continue reading “23 August 2026 – Amusements”