A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer. “Certainly, sir, that’ll be one cent,” says the bartender.
“One cent!?” exclaimed the guy.
The bartender replied, “Yes, One cent.”
So, the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, “Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with fries, peas, and a salad?”
“Certainly sir,” replies the bartender, “but all that comes to real money.”
“How much money?” inquires the guy.
“Four cents,” he replies.
“Four cents?!” exclaims the guy. “Where’s the guy who owns this place?”
The barman replies, “Upstairs with my wife.”
The guy says, “What’s he doing with your wife?”
The bartender replies, “Same thing I’m doing to his business.”
A couple was waiting for their food at a Chinese restaurant when the waiter set chopsticks at their places. The woman made a point of reaching into her purse and pulling out her own pair.
“As a staunch environmentalist,” she declared, “I do not approve of destroying bamboo forests for throwaway utensils.”
The old waiter inspected her chopsticks. “Very beautiful,” he said politely.
“Why thank you,” responded the woman. “They’re genuine ivory.”
A young man went into confession crying, and told the priest:
“Forgive me father for I have sinned.”
“What have you done?” asked the priest.
“A few weeks ago I went to the library. I remained there until closing time and when I was about to go home, rain started pouring down. It was so intense I had to wait in the library. I had waited for a while with the librarian, a young attractive single girl, then one thing led to another, and I ended up sleeping with her.” The man stopped talking but kept weeping.
“Well, don’t cry, it’s a sin but it is not that bad. You should say five ‘Hail Marys’ and it will be forgiven,” said the priest.
“But it doesn’t end there,” the man kept sobbing. “A few days later my neighbour asked me to help her with her computer. Her husband was hospitalised and she couldn’t send an email to her son. I went there and fixed the problem, but when I was about to leave, rain started pouring down. It was really stormy and I had to wait. One thing led to another and I ended up sleeping with my neighbour,” the man cried.
“Oh dear, well that makes it harder indeed, but still – you should say fifteen ‘Hail Marys’ and you will be forgiven,” said the priest.
“Oh, I’m afraid the worst part is still ahead,” cried the man. “Yesterday I went to the barber. I was his last client that day. As soon as he finished and was about to close the shop rain started pouring down so intensely I had to wait with him. One thing led to another and I ended up sleeping with him as well,” the man sobbed.
“Oh dear, it is indeed worse than I thought,” said the priest.
“So what should I do father?” the man asked.
“Well,” answered the priest, “you should get out of here before it starts raining!”