Vicky was at a business conference.
During a break, she decided to call home collect.
Her six-year-old son picked up the phone and heard a stranger’s voice say, “We have Vicky on the line. Will you accept the charges?”
Frantic, the six-year-old dropped the receiver and came charging outside screaming, “Dad! They have Mom! And they want money!”
A fellow sat down in the barber’s chair and requested, “I’d like a very close shave and a shoe shine, please.”
The barber stropped his best straight razor and then lathered the customer’s face, and then the most exquisitely beautiful young lady he had ever seen knelt down at his feet and began to work on his shoes.
“Young lady,” the guy says, as the barber starts on his neck, “when both of you are done here, you and I should get out of here. I’ve already got the best hotel room in town, and we can make love all night long.”
She replied, “I’m married and my husband wouldn’t like that.”
“Tell him you’re working overtime,” he said, “and I’ll pay you the difference.”
“You tell him,” she said. “You’re closer.”
A husband and wife came for counselling after 15 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 15 years they had been married.
She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said, “This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?”
The husband thought for a moment and replied, “Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish.”