Greg's Occasional News & Views

8 July 2018 – Amusements

Doctor Bloomfield, who was known for extraordinary treatment of arthritis, had a waiting room full of people when a little old lady, almost bent over in half, shuffled in slowly, leaning on her cane. 

When her turn came, she went into the doctor’s office and, amazingly, emerged within 5 minutes walking completely erect with her head held high.

A woman in the waiting room who had seen all this rushed up to the little old lady and said, “It’s a miracle! You walked in bent in half and now you’re walking erect. What did that doctor do?”

“Gave me a longer cane.”


A man goes to a therapist and tells him that his wife hasn’t had sex with him for 6 months. The therapist tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her. So the wife comes into the therapist’s office and he asks her what’s wrong, and why doesn’t she want to have sex with her husband anymore.

The wife tells him, “Money has been really tight for us lately, so I got a job downtown. For the past 6 months, every morning I take a cab to work. I don’t have any money so the cab driver asks me, ‘So are you going to pay today or what?’ so I take a ‘or what’. When I get to work I’m late so the boss asks me, ‘So are we going to write this down in the book or what?’ so I take a ‘or what’.

Back home again I take the cab and again I don’t have any money so the cab driver asks me again, ‘So are you going to pay this time or what?’ so again I take a ‘or what’. So you see, when I get home I’m all tired out, and I don’t want it any more.”

The therapist thinks for a second and then turns to the wife and says, “So are we going to tell your husband about this or what?”


A man just returned from travelling around the USA for a year. He had a lot of stories to tell. Here is one of them.

It seems he was looking for a bank and stopped to ask directions. The man he asked replied “Just drive down this road about 5 miles and then turn left at the Stop n Go.”

He drove 5 miles, then 6, then 7. At about 10 miles down he stopped for directions again. The man he asked replied, “Just go back down this road about 5 miles and turn right at the Stop n Go”

He headed out again but still had no luck. When he got back to where he had started he stopped again. When he asked for directions the answer was exactly the same. This time Jim asked, “Could you describe the Stop n Go for me?” The man gave him a funny look and said “It’s on a pole. It’s got a red light on the top, a Green light on the bottom…”


 

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