A one dollar bill met a 50 dollar bill and said, “Hey, where’ve you been? I haven’t seen you around here much.”
The fifty answered, “I’ve been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship, back to the United States for a while, went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff.
“How about you?”
The one dollar bill said, “You know, same old thing . . . strip club, strip club, church.”
Sixth grade science teacher Mrs. Samson asks her class: “Who can tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?” Nobody raises a hand, so she calls on the first student to look her way. “Mary, can you tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?”
Mary stands up, blushing. “Mrs. Samson, I don’t think you should be asking those kinds of questions,” she says. “I’m going to tell the principal and tonight I’m going to tell my parents. We shouldn’t be discussing this kind of thing in class.”
Mrs. Sampson is shocked by Mary’s reaction, but undaunted. She asks if anyone else in class can answer the question. This time Sam raises his hand. “The answer is the pupil of the human eye, Mrs. Sampson.”
“Very good, Sam. Thank you.” Mrs. Sampson then turns to Mary and says, “Mary, I have 3 things to tell you: first, it’s clear that you have not done your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, I fear one day you are going to be sadly disappointed.”
A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor. “I feel really good today. I started out this morning with an act of unselfish generosity. I gave twenty dollars to someone who was needy and down on his luck.”
“Twenty whole dollars? That’s a lot of money to just give away. What did your husband say about it?”
“He said, ‘Thanks.'”