28 November 2021 – Amusements

The Godfather hires a deaf bookkeeper, knowing he’d hear nothing and could never testify. He discovers that the bookkeeper has embezzled $10 million.

When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer, “Ask him where the money is!”

The lawyer signs, “Where’s the money?”

Guido signs back, “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

The lawyer tells the Godfather, “He says he doesn’t know what you are talking about.”

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido’s head and says, “Ask him again or I’ll kill him!”

The lawyer signs to Guido, “He’ll kill you if you don’t tell him.”

Guido signs back, “OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin’s house.”

The Godfather asks the lawyer, “What did he say?”

The lawyer replies, “He says you don’t have the balls to pull the trigger.”

My neighbour found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the vet. He found that the problem was hair in its ears so he cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that if she wanted to keep this from reoccurring, she should go to the chemist and get some “Nair” hair remover and rub it in the dog’s ears once a month.

The lady goes to the chemist and gets some “Nair” hair remover. At the register, the pharmacist tells her: “If you’re going to use this under your arms don’t use deodorant for a few days”. The lady says “I’m not using it under my arms.”

The pharmacist says: “If you’re using it on your legs don’t shave for a couple of days”. The lady says “I’m not using it on my legs, either. If you must know, I’m using it on my schnauzer.”

The pharmacist says “In that case, stay off your bicycle for a week.”

A man and his family were going on vacation for a period of time and asked his brother to care for his house, pets and their aging grandmother.

A few days later the man called his brother to check and see how things were going. He asked, “How’s the house?

The brother answered, “It’s good everything is in order.”

He then asked. “How’s the cat?”

The brother replied, “It’s dead.”

Devastated, the man said, “Wow! That was abrupt and rude.”

The brother asked, “How would you have liked me to tell you?”

The man said, “Well, the first day I called, you could’ve said the cat is stuck on the roof and we can’t get her down. The next day you could say we got her down but she broke her leg and is resting comfortably. The next day, you could’ve said, she passed away peacefully in her sleep, I’m sorry.”

The brother after listening carefully acknowledged him and said, “Okay.”

So, the man continued, “How’s grandma?”

The brother said, “Well, she’s stuck on the roof and we can’t get her down!”

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