A real woman is a man’s best friend. She will never stand him up and never let him down. She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day. She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret. She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires. She will make sure he always feels as though he’s the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive and invincible man alive.
No wait…sorry. I am thinking of scotch. It’s scotch that does all that.
One friend complained to another, “All my husband and I do anymore is fight. I’ve been so upset; I’ve lost 20 pounds.”
“If it’s that bad, why don’t you just leave him?” asked the second friend.
“I’m seriously considering it, but I’d like to lose another 10 pounds first.”
I tried the Japanese method of decluttering where you hold every object that you own and if it does not bring you joy you throw it away. So far, I have thrown out all of the vegetables, my bra, the electric bill, the scale, a mirror and my treadmill.