It’s been a week. The weather’s been mixed, some nice sunny spells and some cold and biting wind. Indeed, a howling gale one night but thankfully, not too much rain. Penelope’s croquet lawn has had two mowings already! This is way too early to start that grinding routine. And, it goes on forever! Damn this climate change.
Continue reading “15 March 2026”Author: Greg
15 March 2026 – Amusements
Up in Yorkshire
A rugby league fan is drinking in a Yorkshire bar, when he gets a call on his mobile phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar, announcing his wife has just given birth to a typical Yorkshire baby boy weighing 25 pounds.
Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the rugby fan just shrugs and replies, ‘That’s about average in Yorkshire … like I said, my boy’s a typical Yorkshire baby boy. Gonna be a rugby league player.’ Congratulations showered him from all around, amid many exclamations of ‘WOW!’ One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains.
Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, ‘Say, aren’t you the father of that typical Yorkshire baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth? Everybody’s been making bets about how big he’d be in two weeks. So, how much does he weigh now?’
The proud father answers, ‘Twenty pounds.’ The bartender is puzzled, concerned and a little suspicious. ‘What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born!’
The Yorkshireman takes a slow swig of his Samuel Smith’s Bitter Beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says,
‘Had him circumcised…’
Continue reading “15 March 2026 – Amusements”8 March 2026
Oops! Once again, no news is good news – we’re away (again) this weekend so not able to put anything meaningful together. A brief summary of this week’s activities will have to suffice. Sorry.
Continue reading “8 March 2026”8 March 2026 – Amusements
My grandmother told me how she ended up marrying Grandpa. She was in her 20’s, and the man she was dating left for war. “We were in love,” she recalled, “and wrote to each other every week. It was during that time that I discovered how wonderful your grandfather was.”
“Did you marry Grandpa when he came home from the war?” I asked.
“Oh, I didn’t marry the man who wrote the letters. Your grandfather was the mailman.”
Continue reading “8 March 2026 – Amusements”
1 March 2026
It’s been a surprisingly half-decent week. I know! What are the chances of that? We had less rain this week (although there’s still plenty more than we need at the moment) and even a few spells of modest sunshine. I am assured by people who know about these sorts of things that Spring will eventually arrive.
Continue reading “1 March 2026”1 March 2026 – Amusements
A first-grade teacher explains to her class that she is an American. She shares the joys of being a part of the greatest country in the world, and asks her students to raise their hands if they are or want to be American too. Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks.
There is, however, one exception. A girl named Kristen has not gone along with the crowd.
The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.
“Because I am not an American.” says Kristen.
“Then,” asks the teacher, “What are you?”
“I’m a proud Canadian,” boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Kristen why she is a Canadian.
“Well, my mom and dad are Canadians, so I’m a Canadian too.
The teacher is now somewhat angry. “That’s no reason,” she says loudly. “What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?”
A pause, and a smile. “Then,” says Kristen, “I’d be an American.”
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22 February 2026
Another wet week – who could have imagined that there was this much water in the skies? We did have some sunshine on Tuesday but it didn’t last long, just long enough for folks to wander outside and scratch their heads in bewilderment at this strange atmospheric phenomenon. One of our lovely neighbours said the rain was supposed to continue for another month. You cannot be serious.
Continue reading “22 February 2026”22 February 2026 – Amusements
A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful.
She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.
When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons.
So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, “I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?”
The blonde said, “No, I want 25 gallons. I’m going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again.”
The milkman asked, “Do you want it pasteurized?”
The blonde said, “No, just up to my tits…. I can splash it on my eyes!”
Continue reading “22 February 2026 – Amusements”15 February 2026
We saw the sun this week. To be fair, we actually saw it twice this week, once on Thursday morning for about 20 minutes. The clouds were a glorious reddish-pinkish shade with a little glimmer of blue sky as the sunshine came down in shafts of light. Didn’t last, of course. More rain and mud until Saturday which, for some reason, dawned bright, sunny and cloud-free. Don’t worry, the forecast for today is back to “normal.”
15 February 2016 – Amusements
A farmer had five female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them.
At the fair he met another farmer who owned five male pigs.
After talking a bit, they decided to mate their pigs and split everything 50/50.
The farmers lived sixty miles apart, so they agreed to drive thirty miles each and find a field in which to let the pigs mate.
The first morning the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5.00 am, loaded the pigs into the family station wagon and drove the thirty miles.
While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, “How will I know if they are pregnant?”
The other farmer replied, “If they’re lying in the grass tomorrow morning, they’re pregnant. If they’re in the mud, they’re not.
The next morning the pigs were rolling in the mud so the farmer hosed them off, loaded them into the family station wagon and proceeded to try again.
This continued morning after morning for more than a week and both farmers were worn out.
The next morning the farmer was too tired to get out of bed. He called to his wife, “Honey, please look outside and tell me whether the pigs are in the mud or in the grass.”
“Neither,” shouted his wife, “They’re in the station wagon, and one of them is honking the horn!”
Continue reading “15 February 2016 – Amusements”