Greg's Occasional News & Views

Greg

12 August 2018

Good morning to you all. It’s been another splendid week, not quite so hot and stifling as it has been. And, we even had a tolerable amount of rain which the lawn and garden enjoyed. Too bad we were on a short break to the Norfolk Broads! Continue reading

12 August 2018 – Amusements

A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotherapist’s office and declares, “Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday I broke that trust and had an affair! The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it ever happened!”

The hypnotherapist shakes his head and says. “Not again…” Continue reading

5 August 2018

Another good week! After a bit of rain on Sunday it’s back to “normal” – hot, hot temperatures with a bucket-load of humidity thrown in just for fun. The lawns and garden enjoyed the sip of water but there really wasn’t enough in our neighbourhood. Some areas got a deluge while we had just a short, gentle drizzle. Continue reading

5 August 2018 – Amusements

One night, a lady stumbled into the police station with a black eye. She claimed she heard a noise in her backyard and went to investigate. The next thing she knew she was hit in the eye and knocked out cold.

An officer was sent to her house to investigate and he returned 1-1/2 hours later with a black eye.

“Did you get hit by the same person?” his captain asked.

“No,” he replied. “I stepped on the same rake.” Continue reading

29 July 2018

Whew! What a scorcher! It’s been a hot, hot, hot week. Thursday the temperature reached the lofty heights of 35o Celsius (95o Fahrenheit) at Heathrow, the hottest day of the year so far. Friday was supposed to be even hotter but Friday was also supposed to be the day when the heavens burst and flung buckets of water down upon us. We did, once again, have a spot of rain this week. Actually, I think it was three spots of rain – it drizzled for about ten minutes on Thursday evening just as we were going to bed.

Continue reading

29 July 2018 – Amusements

I have changed my system for labelling homemade freezer meals. I used to carefully note in large clear letters, “Meatloaf” or “Pot Roast” or “Steak and Vegetables or “Chicken and Dumplings” or “Beef Pot Pie.”

However, I used to get frustrated when I asked my husband what he wanted for dinner because he never asked for any of those things. So, I decided to stock the freezer with what he really likes.

If you look in my freezer now you’ll see a whole new set of labels. You’ll find dinners with neat little tags that say: “Whatever,” “Anything,” “I Don’t Know,” “I Don’t Care,” “Something Good,” or “Food.” My level of frustration is now reduced because no matter what my husband replies when I ask him what he wants for dinner, I know that it is there waiting. Continue reading

22 July 2018

Another lovely week – this is getting ridiculous. No rain in our neighbourhood for at least seven weeks now. The Upper Green might more accurately be referred to as the Upper Savannah with dead brown grass and dust. The weather folks are saying some parts of the country may get some torrential downpours in the next few days – it never rains, but it pours! Bring it on, please. Continue reading

22 July 2018 – Amusements

A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop pretty high, the zoo officials put up an 8-foot fence. The next morning, however, the kangaroo was out again, idly roaming around the zoo.

The zoo officials raised the height of the fence to ten feet. Again, however, the next morning the kangaroo was again roaming about the zoo. This kept on, night after night, until the fence was 20 feet high.

Finally, the camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, “How high do you think they’ll go?”

The kangaroo replied, “Who knows? Maybe 50 feet. Unless somebody starts locking the gate at night.” Continue reading

15 July 2018 – Amusements

The heart specialist was operating on the patient when he suddenly said, “Don’t worry, Adam. This is a minor operation. Everything will be all right.”

The patient replied, “Thank you Doctor, but my name is Jose.”

The heart specialist said, “I know that. Adam is my name.” Continue reading

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