Men between 60 and 80 years of age, will, on average, have sex two or three times per week, (and a small number a lot more) whereas Japanese men, in exactly the same age group, will have sex only once or twice per year if they are lucky.
This has come as very upsetting news to both me and most of my mates, as none of us had any idea we were Japanese.
This morning I was in luck and was able to buy two cases of “Victoria Bitter” beer cheap at my local grocery.
I placed the boxes on the front seat and headed back home. I stopped at a service station where a drop-dead gorgeous Sheila in a short skirt was filling up her car at the next pump.
She glanced at the two boxes of beer, bent over and leaned in my passenger window, and said in a sexy voice, “I’m a big believer in barter, handsome. Would you be interested in trading sex for beer?”
I thought for a few seconds and asked, “That depends, what kind of beer ‘ya got?”
HOW TO PROPERLY PLACE NEW EMPLOYEES . . .
- Put 400 bricks in a closed room.
- Put your new hires in the room and close the door.
- Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours.
- Then analyze the situation:
If they are counting the bricks, put them in the Accounting Department.
- If they are recounting them, put them in Auditing.
- If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks, put them in Engineering.
- If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, put them in Planning.
- If they are throwing the bricks at each other, put them in Operations.
- If they are sleeping, put them in Security.
- If they have broken the bricks into pieces, put them in Information Technology.
- If they are sitting idle, put them in Human Resources.
- If they say they have tried different combinations, they are looking for more, yet not a brick has been moved, put them in Sales.
- If they have already left for the day, put them in Management.
- If they are staring out of the window, put them in Strategic Planning.
- If they are talking to each other, and not a single brick has been moved, congratulate them and put them in Top Management.
Finally, if they have surrounded themselves with bricks in such a way that they can neither be seen nor heard from, put them in Congress.