There’s a little old Christian lady living next door to an atheist. Every morning the lady comes out onto her front porch and shouts “Praise the Lord!”
The atheist yells back, “There is no God.”
She does this every morning with the same result. As time goes on, the lady runs into financial difficulties and has trouble buying food. She goes out onto the porch and asks God for help with groceries, then says “Praise the Lord.”
The next morning she goes out onto the porch and there’s the groceries she asked for, and of course, she shouts “Praise the Lord!”
The atheist jumps out from behind a bush and says, “Ha, I bought those groceries – there is no God.”
The lady looks at him and smiles, she shouts “Praise the Lord, not only did you provide for me Lord, you made Satan pay for the groceries!”
A government warning was recently issued that anyone traveling in icy or blizzard conditions should take:
– Shovel, blankets or sleeping bag
– Extra clothing including scarf, hat and gloves
– 24 hours supply of food and drink
– De-icer
– 5 lbs of rock salt
– Flashlight with spare batteries
– Road flares and reflective triangles
– Tow rope
– 5 gallon gas can
– First aid kit
– Jump cables
I felt like a complete idiot on the bus this morning.
When I was a 20-something college student, I became quite friendly with my study partner, a 64-year-old man, who had returned to school to finish his degree. He confessed, with a wink, that he had once thought more than friendship might be a possibility between us.
“So what changed your mind?” I asked him.
“I went to my doctor and asked if he thought a 40-year age difference between a man and woman was insurmountable. He looked at my chart and said, ‘You’re interested in someone who’s 104?!’