The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman.
“What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?” asked the officer.
“I’m going to a lecture.”
“And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?” the cop asked.
“My wife.”
For their 20th wedding anniversary, a couple went out for a romantic dinner. Their teenage daughters said they would make a dessert and leave it waiting.
When the couple arrived back home, they saw that the dining room table was beautifully set, complete with candles, and there was a note that read:
“Your dessert is in the fridge. We are staying with friends, so you go ahead and do something we wouldn’t do!”
“I suppose” said he husband dryly, “we could tidy their bedrooms.”
A stalwart Vermont farmer bought some land that was still just as it had been before the Pilgrims landed. He dug up hundreds of stones and built a fence; cut down trees to create a clearing; built a house and a small barn; cleared land for pasture, dug a well and over several years just generally worked his fingers to the bone in creating a small, neat, productive farm.
Eventually his pastor came out for a visit and marvelled rather fulsomely, and at great length, at all that “you and God have done together.”
“Eh,” the farmer said dubiously. “Ya shoulda seen the place when God ran it on his own.”