One day Pinocchio came to Gepetto with a problem.
“Every time I have sex with my girlfriend, she gets splinters. What can I do about this?”
“Have you tried sandpaper?” Pinocchio hadn’t, so he went to try it.
“Pinocchio,” said Gepetto a few weeks later. “How did the problem work out with your girlfriend?”
Pinocchio replied, “Who needs a girlfriend when you have sandpaper?”
My mate’s missus left him last Thursday, she said she was going out for a pint of milk & never came back!
I asked him how he was coping and he said, “Not bad, I’ve been using that powdered stuff.”
A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You are beautiful.” Then he fell asleep again.
His wife had never heard him say that, so she stayed by his side. A few minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, “You are cute!”
The wife was disappointed because instead of “beautiful,” it was now “cute.” She said, “What happened to ‘beautiful’?”
Her husband replied, “The drugs are wearing off!”