NEW HOME WANTED !!!!!
I bought Lexi, an eight-week old German Shepherd puppy, as a surprise for my husband. It turns out, however, that he is allergic to dog hair so I am now urgently looking to find him a new home.
His name is Alan, he’s 61 years old, great at DIY, drives a nice car and plans wonderful holidays.
One day during cooking class, the teacher, Mrs. Jones, was extolling her secrets for preparing perfect sauces. When she ordered us to the stoves to prepare our assignments, she said, “Don’t forget to use wooden spoons.”
As I stirred my sauce, I contemplated the physics behind the mystery of the wooden spoon, and decided it must have something to do with heat conduction. I approached Mrs. Jones to test my theory. “Why wooden spoons?” I asked.
“Because,” she replied, “if I have to sit here listening to twenty three metal spoons banging against metal pots, I’ll go nuts.”
A golfer is cupping his hand to scoop water from a burn on the St Andrews course.
A groundskeeper shouts: ‘Dinnae drink tha waater! Et’s foo ae coo’s shite an pish!’
The golfer replies: ‘My Good fellow, I’m from England. Could you repeat that for me, in English!?’
The keeper replies: ‘I said, use two hands – you’ll spill less that way!