Author: Greg

We’ve had these before, I think, but I am running out of material! Send help!

This is postively absurd but it made me smile.

The animals were bored. Finally, the lion had an idea. “I know a really exciting game that the humans play called football. I’ve seen it on T.V.”

He proceeded to describe it to the rest of the animals and they all got excited about it so they decided to play. They went out to the field and chose up teams and were ready to begin.

The lion’s team received. They were able to get two first downs and then had to punt. The mule punted and the rhino was back deep for the kick. He caught the ball, lowered his head and charged. First, he crushed a roadrunner, then two rabbits. He gored a wildebeest, knocked over two cows, and broke through to daylight, scoring six.

Unfortunately, they lacked a place-kicker, and the score remained 6 – 0.

Late in the first half the lion’s team scored a touchdown and the mule kicked the extra point. The lion’s team led at halftime 7 – 6. In the locker room, the lion gave a pep talk. “Look you guys. We can win this game. We’ve got the lead and they only have one real threat. We’ve got to keep the ball away from the rhino, he’s a killer. Mule, when you kick off be sure to keep it away from the rhino.”

The second half began. Just as the mule was about to kick off, the rhino’s team changed formation and the ball went directly to the rhino. Once again, the rhino lowered his head and was off running. First, he stomped two gazelles. He skewered a zebra, and bulldozed an elephant out of the way. It looked like he was home free. Suddenly at the twenty-yard line, he dropped over dead. There were no other animals in sight anywhere near him. The lion went over to see what had happened. Right next to the dead rhino he saw a small centipede.

“Did you do this?” he asked the centipede.

“Yeah, I did.” the centipede replied.

The lion retorted, “Where were you during the first half?”

“I was putting on my shoes.”

Continue reading “9 November 2025 – Amusements”

A young Scottish lad and lassie were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch.

For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, “A penny for your thoughts, Angus.”

“Well, uh, I was thinkin’ perhaps it’s aboot time for a wee kiss.”

The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

After a while the girl spoke again. “Another penny for your thoughts, Angus.”

“Well, uh, I was thinkin’ perhaps its aboot time for a wee cuddle.”

The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

After a while the girl spoke again. “Another penny for your thoughts, Angus.”

“Well, uh, I was thinkin’ perhaps its aboot time you let me poot me hand on your leg.”

The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her leg. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

After a while the girl spoke again. “Another penny for your thoughts, Angus.”

The young man knit his brow. “Well, now,” he said, “my thoughts are a bit more serious this time.”

“Really?” said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation.

“Aye,” said the lad.

The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request.

Angus blurted out, “Din’na ye think it’s aboot time ye paid me the first three pennies?”

Continue reading “2 November 2025 – Amusements”

Two Priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation. They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.

The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their “tourist” garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a “drop dead gorgeous” topless blonde in a thong bikini came walking straight towards them. They could not help but stare.

As the blonde passed them she smiled and said “Good Morning, Father. Good Morning, Father,” nodding and addressing each of them individually, then she passed on by.

They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests?

So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits. These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them! Once again, in their new attire, settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine, the same gorgeous topless blonde, wearing a very revealing string bottom, took her sweet time walking toward them. And again, they couldn’t help but stare.

Again she nodded at each of them, saying “Good morning, Father. Good morning, Father,” as she passed by. One of the priests couldn’t stand it any longer and called after her.

“Just a minute young lady!”

“Yes, Father?” she said as she stopped and turned back.

“We are priests and are proud of it, but I have to know: how in the world did you know we are priests, dressed as we are?”

The woman smiled, bent over a bit, and pulled off her sunglasses. “Father,” she said in a purr, “don’t you recognize me? It’s me — Sister Katherine!”

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Continue reading “26 October 2025 – Amusements”

A truck driver is driving along on the freeway when he passes a sign reading “Low Bridge Ahead.”

Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck underneath it. Cars are backed up for miles.

Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, “Got stuck, huh?”

The truck driver says, “No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.”

Continue reading “19 October 2025 – Amusements”

A beautiful young woman is getting dressed for work one morning in her high-rise apartment building. She glances out her fiftieth-story bedroom window and sees a window washer outside. Thinking she will rattle him, she slowly takes off her dress.

The window washer just goes about the business of cleaning the windows. Next, she removes her slip in a very provocative manner. Still, the man just keeps working away. Taking her striptease to the full extent, she takes off her bra and panties and begins parading around her room. The window washer still takes no notice of her.

Finally, the woman walks over to the window and just stands there, totally naked, staring at the man outside her window. At last the window washer puts down his pail and says, “What’s the matter, lady, haven’t you ever seen a window washer before?”

Continue reading “12 October 2025 – Amusements”