The wife and I were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy Sunday morning.
I said to her, “If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff.”
“Now why would you want me to do something like that?” she asked.
“I figure that you would eventually remarry and I don’t want some scumbag using my stuff.”
She looked at me and said: “What makes you think I’d marry another scumbag?”
Author: Greg
18 February 2024
We’ve had quite a few nice days with some reasonably bright and clear skies and Spring-like temperatures. In mid-February. What’s that about? Lady Penelope was even out pruning roses the other day. Me? I’m still more or less confined to quarters with the sciatica pain. Small improvements – it seems to go from “not bad” to “unbelievably bad” to “not too bad” before reverting to “brutal” again. Nights are the worst, of course. There seems to be no position in which I can get comfortable.
Continue reading “18 February 2024”18 February 2024 – Amusements
An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.
They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
‘How do you feel about sex?’ he asked, rather tentatively.
‘I would like it infrequently’ she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered, ‘Is that one word or two?’
11 Februry 2024
Sadly, the numerous chiropractor and acupuncture appointments have not resolved the issue of my sciatic pain and we had to take the disappointing decision to abandon our trip to Hawaii, LA and New England. Thank you to those who got in touch to wish me well – those of you who have suffered similarly know how absolutely brutal it is – and the plethora of donkey tranquilisers our GP gave me have only marginally dented the pain. So, we’ll look forward to making that trip on a later occasion.
Continue reading “11 Februry 2024”11 February 2024 – Amusements
My friend returns from Africa and is feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo a barrage of tests. My friend wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings. “This is your doctor. We’ve had the results back from your tests and we’ve found you have an extremely nasty virus, which is extremely contagious!”
“Oh my gosh,” cries my friend, “What are you going to do, doctor?”
“Well we’re going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread.”
“Will that cure me?” asks my friend.
The doctor replies, “Well no, but it’s the only food we can get under the door.”
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4 February 2024
Good week, bad week, very bad week! Weather has been decent – very moderate with largely clearish skies and only a smattering of rain. The bad part of the week started on Tuesday when I began to exhibit symptoms of sciatic pain. Oh my goodness, I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.
Continue reading “4 February 2024”4 February 2024 – Amusements
During a heartfelt chat with her friend about relationships, the lady sighed and said, “You know, if something happened to Lloyd, I don’t think I could ever marry again.”
Her friend nodded sympathetically. “I know what you mean,” she said. “Once is enough.”
28 January 2024
Oh! We’ve been cold this week! Not that the temperature has been particularly biting. Rather, because we’ve been without any heating for most of the week. We’re just beginning to thaw out.
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The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar. “I assume,” she snarled, “that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at six o’clock in the morning?”
“There is,” he replied. “Breakfast.”
21 January 2024
A cold and chilly week – absolutely lovely. Frozen ground, bright and clear blue skies and no mud! Hurray! Daisy certainly enjoys not being hosed down with frigid water from the outside tap and I enjoy not sinking to my bootlaces in the quagmire as we traverse the fields. Hurray, hurray! It’s supposed to get up to 14o C on Wednesday – go figure.
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