Greg – Page 59 – The Moreton Pinkney Picayune

1 November 2020 – Amusements

I was reading an article last night about fathers and daughters and memories came flooding back of the time I took my daughter out for her first pint.

Off we went to our local pub which is only two blocks from the house. I got her a Fosters. She didn’t like it…so I had it.

Then I got her a Carling Black Label, she didn’t like it… so I had it.

It was the same with the 1664 Lager and Premium Dry Cider. By the time we got down to the Scotch I could hardly push the stroller back home.

25 October 2020

Dorset is beautiful, wherever you go . . .

Song and lyrics by the Yetties (also performed by the Wurzels if that’s your pleasure). And, indeed, it is strikingly beautiful. Marvellous coastlines, stunning clifftop paths, luscious green fields and gorgeous deep blue skies (when the sun is shining).

25 October 2020 – Amusements

I think the bottom-line difference between being single and married is this: When you’re single you’re as happy as you are. When you’re married, you can only be as happy as the least happy person in the house.

18 October 2020

We’re back! After a fabulously refreshing four days in Dorset. The weather was simply gorgeous, the cottage in which we were staying was outstanding and in a most extraordinarily idyllic setting just at the foot of Golden Cap and Dorset was gorgeous in the sunshine.

18 October 2020 – Amusements

Q: My child does not like fish. What can I replace it with?

A: A cat. Cats love fish.

11 October 2020

It’s been a week of mixed (weather) fortunes – lots of rain and high winds with the occasional glimpse of some sunshine. The weather folk tend to describe it as “scattered clouds.” I think it might more accurately be described as scattered sunshine, but what do I know?

11 October 2020 – Amusements

A man was showing his friend a new set of matched golf clubs he had just bought.

“Doctor’s orders,” the man told his friend. “My wife and I have been gaining too much weight and we went to see the doctor about it. He said we needed more exercise, so I joined the country club and bought myself this set of golf clubs.”

“What about your wife?” the friend asked. “What did you buy her?”

“A new lawn mower,” the golfer said.

4 October 2020

The Arctic plume came and went and Ms Playchute chastised me for painting too gloomy a picture of our weather conditions last week. To be fair, I probably did exaggerate to some extent but summer is past and the Indian summer, if that was it, was far too short. As I look out my window the rain is pelting down, the wind is howling, the pub sign is being blown back and forth like an accordion and it is cold and miserable.

4 October 2020 – Amusements

Early one evening a gentleman scuttled out to his garage and pulled the lawn furniture out onto the driveway. Shortly after followed the lawnmower, a few gardening tools and a bicycle.

A curious neighbor wandered over and asked if he was going to have a garage sale.

“No,” replied the gentleman, “my son just bought his first car and right now he’s getting ready for a big date. He’ll be taking the car out soon to pick up the girl.”

“So what’s with all the stuff?” asked the neighbor.

“Well, after years of moving tricycles, toys and sports equipment out of the way every time I came home from work, I wanted to make sure the driveway was ready for him.”

27 September 2020

Well, that was nice while it lasted. The Indian Summer, I mean. I had been hoping for a prolonged affair – perhaps two or three months but I guess that’s just being greedy. But something longer than two or three days would have been nice. As it is we’ve had an Arctic Plume over the UK for the latter part of this week and, while it’s not exactly freezing, it is certainly feeling very autumnal. Would it be too much to ask for another couple of weeks in October?