Greg – Page 67 – The Moreton Pinkney Picayune

2 February 2020

Happy Groundhog Day!

At last! We have been well and truly Brexited – rather like being filleted, I suspect. Alive. With a dull knife. And no anaesthetic, awake and conscious through the whole exercise while our vitals are ripped out and we are rent asunder. It will be interesting to see how long it is before it all goes tits up and whether the gullible naïve racists who voted to leave realise that they too are being f**ked with all the rest of us. Ironically, those areas which voted most vigorously to leave are exactly the areas which are going to be hardest hit.

2 February 2020 – Amusements

They say there’s more chance of dying on the way to place the lottery than actually winning. That’s why I always send my wife.

Win-Win. Continue reading “2 February 2020 – Amusements”

26 January 2020

Another great week – our first “proper” evening’s entertainment with “real” guests in the new kitchen, a new approach to our “award-winning” sourdough, a trip up to London for an exhibition followed by a minor mishap and some remarkable customer service from an online supplier.

26 January 2020 – Amusements

After a long day of shopping, my daughter and I stopped at a grocery store. I ran in to pick up a few things, leaving her in the car. As I approached the checkout I was surprised to see my daughter there waiting for me.

“Honey,” I said, “what are you doing in here? I left the motor running.”

“It’s all right, Mom,” she replied reassuringly. “I locked the doors.” Continue reading “26 January 2020 – Amusements”

19 January 2020

After the excitement of last week, a relatively straight-forward one and therefore there is little news to relate this week apart from the appearance on page 4 of a national newspaper of someone exceedingly important in the local community.

19 January 2020 – Amusements

Rushing to get to the movies, my husband and I told the kids we had to leave “right now” at which point our teenage daughter headed for the bathroom to apply makeup. Her dad yelled for her to get in the car immediately, and headed for the garage grumbling.

On the way to the multiplex my husband glanced in the rear-view mirror and caught our teen applying lipstick and blush, which produced the predictable lecture. “Look at your mom,” he said. “She didn’t put on any makeup just to go sit in a dark movie theatre.”

From the back I heard, “Yeah, but Mom doesn’t need makeup.”

My heart swelling with the compliment, I turned back to thank this sweet, wonderful daughter of mine just as she continued, “Nobody looks at her.” Continue reading “19 January 2020 – Amusements”

12 January 2020

It’s been a good week. We had not one but two date nights, Penny had two bridge sessions, we got to borrow Bertie, the spaniel from down the road, for a day and had a lovely walk around the Edgecote estate. And, after four years of thinking about it, we finally got a new carpet laid in the lounge. I need a sit down after so much excitement.

12 January 2020 – Amusements

A New York woman is suing her surgeon claiming he was on his cell phone during her operation. In response, the doctor said, ‘For your information, I was Googling how to perform the surgery.’ Continue reading “12 January 2020 – Amusements”

5 January 2020

And a Happy New Year to you all! We celebrated the arrival of the new decade in our usual fashion – by snoring contentedly through midnight and much of the following morning. We can always hope that the New Year brings some positive change but I’m not holding my breath.

5 January 2020 – Amusements

A woman was in court charged with the attempted murder of her husband.

“But why did you stab him over a hundred times?” asked the judge.

“Oh, your Honor,” replied the defendant, “It wasn’t my fault. I didn’t know how to switch off the electric carving knife!” Continue reading “5 January 2020 – Amusements”