Greg's Occasional News & Views
Needing to look up a phone number while at a friend’s house, my teenage daughter asked for a phone book. She might as well have asked for a papyrus scroll.
“A phone book?” asked her friend.
“You know,” said my daughter. “A book with numbers in it.”
“Oh,” said her friend as it dawned on her. “You mean a math book.” Continue reading “8 September 2019 – Amusements”
Scorcio! We’ve had some great weather this week, the building works have progressed (reasonably) nicely and we had a splendid fun-filled weekend away on the south coast with like-minded friends.
Continue reading “1 September 2019”A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewellery store. “Listen,” said the shoplifter, “I know you don’t want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch and we forget about this?”
The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, “This is a little more than I intended to spend. Can you show me something less expensive?” Continue reading “1 September 2019 – Amusements”
Another good week. Penny survived the camp out with Annabelle, we had a great couple of outings while she was here and the builders continue to make progress, albeit slowly with a few steps backwards from time to time, on the kitchen extension. We’ll be in by Christmas 2021 no problem!
Continue reading “18 August 2019”When Diane found out she was pregnant, she told the good news to anyone who would listen. But her 4-year-old son overheard some of her parents’ private conversations. One day when Diane and her 4-year-old were shopping a woman asked the little boy if he was excited about the new baby.
“Yes!” the 4-year-old said, “and I know what we are going to name it, too. If it’s a girl we’re going to call her Christina, and if it’s another boy we’re going to call it quits!” Continue reading “18 August 2019 – Amusements”
Another good week – decent enough weather, good progress on the building site and Annabelle is coming for a sleepover this evening. What’s not to like?
Continue reading “11 August 2019”Showing his friend around his home, Fred started to point out all of the collectibles he and his wife had acquired over their long years of marriage.
“The day before I die, I’d like to sell every piece we’ve got just to see how much it’s all worth.”
“But you couldn’t possibly know the day before you were going to die, so how could you sell it.”
“Simple… If I sell it, my wife would kill me!” Continue reading “11 August 2019 – Amusements”
Good week on the whole – we baby sat one of our favourite canine companions for an over-nighter while his parents were away, there’s been good progress on the building, we are close to a resolution of the Mystery of the Missing Medications, the Conservatives lost a by-election and now have a working majority of just one and, although we had some genuinely crappy weather in the early part of the week, the picture has steadily improved with some warm sunshine towards the end of the week. We must be grateful for small mercies.
Continue reading “4 August 2019”My friend asked his father-in-law, a crop duster, how his day had gone.
“I had just the worst day,” replied the man. “This morning I was up in my plane dusting a field when I nicked a power line and damaged the wing on the plane. When I got back to the office, my boss chewed me out. Then the guy from the FAA chewed me out.
“On my way home, I stopped at a bar and was handed a warm beer. So I yelled at the bartender, ‘Don’t you have any cold beer?!’
“The bartender said, ‘Sorry, but we’ve been out of electricity all day ever since some idiot crop-duster hit a power line down the road.'” Continue reading “4 August 2019 – Amusements”
Scorcio! A blisteringly hot week with temperatures reaching 38o C (just over 100o F). Don’t worry folks, there’s nothing to see here – climate change is just fake news.
Continue reading “28 July 2019”