Author: Greg

This one hasn’t come around for awhile . . .

A woman visited a psychic of some local repute. In a dark and gloomy room, gazing at the Tarot cards laid out before her, the Tarot reader delivered the bad news: “There is no easy way to say this so I’ll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent death this year.”

Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the psychic’s lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know.

She met the Tarot reader’s gaze, steadied her voice and asked, “Will I be acquitted?” Continue reading “2 December 2017 – Amusements”

A man was very sick. Doctors feared the worst. He is at home one day, resting in his bed. He looks up and says, “Is my wife here?”

His wife replies, “Yes, dear, I’m here, next to you.”

The man goes, “Are my children here?”

“Yes, Daddy, we are all here,” say the children.

“Are my other relatives also here?”

And they say, “Yes, we are all here…”

The man sits up and says, “Then why in the world is the light on in the kitchen?” Continue reading “19 November 2017 – Amusements”

Two friends meet in the street. The one man looked rather forlorn and down in the mouth. The other man asked, “Hey, how come you look like the whole world caved in?”

The sad fellow said, “Let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an uncle died and left me ten thousand dollars.”

“I’m sorry to hear about the death, but a bit of good luck for you, eh?”

“Hold on, I’m just getting started. Two weeks ago, a cousin I never knew kicked the bucket and left me twenty thousand, free and clear.”

“Well, you can’t be disappointed with that!”

“Yep. But, last week my grandfather passed away. I inherited almost one hundred thousand dollars.”

“Incredible… so how come you look so glum?”

“Well, this week…nothing!” Continue reading “29 October 2017 – Amusements”

A Tennessee hill-billy farmer from back in the hills walked twelve miles, one way, to the general store.

“Heya, Wilbur,” said Sam, the store owner. “tell me, are you and Myrtle still making fires up there by rubbing stones and flint together?”

“You betcha, Sam. Ain’t no ‘tother way. Why?”

“Got something to show you. Something to make fire. It’s called a ‘match’.”

“‘Match’? Never heard of it.”

“Watch this. If you want a fire you just do this,” Sam says, taking a match and striking it on his pants.

“Huh. Well, that’s something, but that ain’t for me, Sam.”

“Well, why not?”

“I can’t be walking twelve miles every time I want a fire just to borrow your pants.” Continue reading “22 October 2017 – Amusements”

My husband and I often spell words so that our small children won’t understand what we’re saying. I didn’t realize what a habit this had become until one day when my husband and I were in the grocery store at the soup aisle.

An aggressive young woman banged into our cart, then nudged me over, blocking my access to the soup. Annoyed, I looked at my husband and said, “Boy is she r-u-d-e!”

“Yeah,” he replied, “but I’ll bet she can s-p-e-l-l.” Continue reading “24 September 2017 – Amusements”