The Moreton Pinkney Picayune

Max sat at the bar totally dejected. The bartender served him his second drink and said, “What’s wrong pal?”

“I’ll never understand women.” Max said. “The other night my wife threw me a birthday party. She told me that later on, as her gift to me, I could do with her whatever I wanted.”

“Wow!” said the bartender. “But why so unhappy? That sounds like quite a gift to me.”

“Well, ” Max went on, “I thought about it and sent her home to her mother. Now she won’t even speak to me.”

Continue reading “24 November 2024 – Amusements”

Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Shamus, were stumbling home from the pub late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard.

“Come have a look over here,” says Paddy, “it’s Michael O’Grady’s grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87.”

“That’s nothing”, says Sean, “here’s one named Patrick O’Toole, it says here that he was 95 when he died.”

Just then, Shamus yells out, “Good God, here’s a fella that got to be 145 years old!”

“What was his name?” asks Paddy.

Shamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, “Miles, from Dublin.”

Continue reading “17 November 2024 – Amusements”

“Our wall clock almost killed my mother today!” a wife complains. “It fell only seconds after she got up from the couch.”

The husband mumbles, “Damn clock always was slow.”

Continue reading “10 November 2024 – Amusements”

I think we’ve had this one before as well but since it’s definitively true in my case, it’s worth repeating:

Morty was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common knowledge. He turned to his wife with a look of question on his face. “I’ll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives.”

His wife replied, “Why thank you, dear!”

Continue reading “22 September 2024 – Amusements”

I was on vacation in Florida on Christmas vacation. I was walking down the beach and I see one of my colleagues approaching me. He is a psychologist. “You had breakfast yet,” I ask?

“No.”

“Let’s find a place.”

“Good,” he says. “My car is right over there.”

I get in his car, a brand-new Lincoln, and right away I notice that it’s a stick-shift.

I say, “You bought a new Lincoln with a stick shift? I didn’t know that they made a Lincoln like that.”

“They don’t,” he says. “I ordered it special.”

“I’ll bet that cost a fortune,” I reply.

“Oh, ya. You got that right.”

“Why would you buy a new Lincoln with a stick shift,” I ask?

He says, “My wife can’t drive a stick.”

Continue reading “15 September 2024 – Amusements”