The Moreton Pinkney Picayune

17 May 2020 – Amusements

I know we’ve had it before but this is the kind of conversation Penny & I have all the time . . .

The wife and I were sitting around the breakfast table this morning when I got in one of those maudlin moods.

I said to her, “If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff.”

“Now why would you want me to do something like that?” she asked.

“I figure that you would eventually remarry and I don’t want some other asshole using my stuff.”

She looked at me and said: “What makes you think I’d marry another asshole?” Continue reading “17 May 2020 – Amusements”

Another week, another week of lock-down. Week 9, it seems. Doesn’t time fly when you are enjoying yourself? It’s been a good week with some lovely sunshine, clear skies, reasonably decent temperatures – what’s not to like? Oh, being able to interact with friends and family would be nice, I guess.

10 May 2020 – Amusements

Ken and Melba had finished their breakfast at the retirement home and were relaxing in the library. “You know,” said Melba, “today, in most marriage ceremonies, they don’t use the word ‘obey’ anymore.”

“Too bad, isn’t it?” retorted Ken. “It used to lend a little humor to the occasion.” Continue reading “10 May 2020 – Amusements”

3 May 2020

Here we are again – lock-down, week 8. We’ve finally had the rain which the forecasters have been promising and very welcome it is too. I think we could have done without the 10 degree drop in temperature, however.

3 May 2020 – Amusements

My boss is without peer when it comes to the rules and regulations that customs officials must follow. But when it comes to the law, well, that’s a different story.

We were attending a court case in which we were prosecuting a smuggler. The judge asked the court, “Who is making these allegations?”

My boss stood up and proclaimed, “I am the alligator, your honor.” Continue reading “3 May 2020 – Amusements”

26 April 2020

Lock-down, Week 7. Another exceptionally fine week – fine sunny weather with clear blue skies (although we do need rain) and reasonably comfortable temperatures. A bit windy, perhaps (too windy for my liking when it comes to dragging my butt out on the bike) but it calmed down towards the end of the week and I did get one decent ride in.

26 April 2020 – Amusements

The mother-in-law arrives home from the shops to find her son-in-law, Paddy, in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase.

“What happened Paddy?” she asks anxiously.

“What happened? I’ll tell you what happened. I sent an email to my wife telling her I was coming home today from my fishing trip. I get home and guess what I found? Yes, your daughter, my wife Jean, naked with Joe Murphy in our marital bed! This is unforgivable, the end of our marriage. I’m done. I’m leaving forever!”

“Ah now, calm down, calm down, Paddy!” says his mother-in-law. “There is something very odd going on here. Jean would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. I’ll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened.”

Minutes later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile.

“Paddy. I told you there must be a simple explanation… she never got your email!” Continue reading “26 April 2020 – Amusements”

19 April 2020

Week Six of the Lockdown and it’s been another pretty fine week – very decent weather if somewhat cooler than last week. Lots of bright blue sunny skies. Although the weather folk have been “promising” some rain (which we need), it always seems to be just north or south or west or east of here. We finally had a moderate soaking yesterday but could do with more. Oh well.

19 April 2020 – Amusements

A man and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. Finally he shouted at her, “And you know what? You aren’t so hot in bed either!” then stormed off to work.

By mid-morning, he decided he’d better make amends and called home. “What took you so long to answer?” he asked.

“I was in bed,” she replied.

“What were you doing in bed this late?”

“Getting a second opinion.” Continue reading “19 April 2020 – Amusements”

12 April 2020

Week Five of the Lockdown – we’re still here in glorious isolation! Thankfully, the weather this week has been (mainly) outstanding – warm temperatures and blue(ish) skies. Ideal for all the gardening Ms Playchute manages to find to do. Also, ideal for me to do one of the things I do best – lounge in the hammock in the orchard. Hey, I’m doing my bit to save the country!